Micron's Earnings Don't Scare Chuck Norris, But Maybe They Should Scare You

JPMorgan's Bold Prediction: Chuck Norris Approves (Maybe)

Wall Street's getting excited about Micron's earnings and apparently even JPMorgan thinks they're going to be bigger than a Texas tornado. They're predicting Micron's revenue gross margin and EPS will obliterate expectations. Frankly expectations are like pinatas to me – I enjoy smashing them. But even Chuck Norris raises an eyebrow when someone makes a bold claim. Remember predictions are like opinions; everyone has one and mine is always right.

HBM Demand: So Hot It Could Melt Steel (Almost)

They're saying this High Bandwidth Memory (HBM) is the driving force behind the optimism. HBM must be pretty tough if it's driving demand. I once stared down a semiconductor and it blinked. This HBM better be ready for the kind of pressure I can bring because if it fails the market will feel my wrath.

Summer Doldrums? Chuck Norris Doesn't Get Doldrums

The article claims Wall Street is bored and focused only on Micron’s earnings. Amateurs. Chuck Norris never gets bored. Boredom fears Chuck Norris. But I guess if I HAD to focus I would keep one eye on Micron. I always keep one eye on everything. And the other eye? I use it to see into the future.

Micron's Stock: Rising Faster Than a Chuck Norris Kick

Micron's stock is up 44% this year which is impressive but that's only because I haven't started investing yet. When Chuck Norris invests the market doesn't just rise; it ascends to a higher plane of existence. This increase is nice but let's see if it can withstand my stare.

Price Target: A Challenge Accepted by Chuck Norris

JPMorgan's predicting an 11% gain setting a $135 price target. While that’s a respectable goal I set my targets higher. My price target for global domination? Priceless. Always aim for the stars even if you have to roundhouse kick a few asteroids to get there.

Tariffs: The Only Thing Chuck Norris Fears... Okay Not Really

They're worried about potential tariff related weakness. Tariffs are like a mosquito bite on an elephant. Annoying but not fatal. I am watching. And if these tariffs try anything they'll learn that Chuck Norris doesn't negotiate with terrorists... or tariffs. I just adjust them... with my fist.