Micron's Earnings? Chuck Norris Expects Them To Obey... Or Else!

Earnings Season? More Like 'Earning' My Respect

Wall Street's got its eyes glued to Micron's earnings next week says JPMorgan. They *expect* revenue gross margin and EPS to climb higher than a rattlesnake on a hot rock. But let me tell you something expectations are like opinions: everybody's got one but only mine kick harder than a mule. Micron better deliver or they'll face the consequences. And trust me you don't want to face my consequences.

HBM: High Bandwidth... High Kick Memory!

They're saying it's the 'sustained momentum in high bandwidth memory' that's driving this. HBM they call it. I call it 'High Kick Memory,' because if those chips don't perform I'll give 'em a roundhouse kick to remember. I once used HBM to calculate the exact moment the dinosaurs went extinct. It only took 0.000000001 seconds.

Summer Doldrums? Try Summer Dominance!

Apparently Wall Street's got the 'summer doldrums.' Doldrums are for sissies. When Chuck Norris gets the doldrums the doldrums get Chuck Norris. This stock has outperformed the market by over 44%. That's like me outperforming gravity... which I do daily.

Price Target: Lock and Load!

JPMorgan's sticking to their overweight rating and a $135 price target. They think it's a nearly 11% gain. I think it's just the beginning. A good investment is like a good fight: you gotta be ready to go the distance and know how to throw a knockout punch. This isn't a gain it's a Norris approved investment!

Tariff Troubles? Chuck Norris Laughs at Tariffs!

They're worried about 'tariff related weakness.' Tariffs are just speed bumps for Chuck Norris. I once negotiated a trade deal with North Korea using only my beard and a stern look. No tariffs can stop progress. When tariffs try to raise prices Chuck Norris lowers them with a swift kick.

ASP Improvements: As Expected Puny Sales Prices Are Improving because of Chuck Norris

Overall they see a 'favorable fundamental setup.' Good. Because anything less than favorable is unacceptable. They expect ASP improvements. Good. Anything but improvements are unacceptable and you do not want to know what is unaccepted to Chuck Norris. Micron better keep their bits shipping and their prices rising. And if they don't well... they'll find out why my tears cure cancer. It's because I don't cry.