Markets Tremble Before Tariffs! But Can They Survive Chuck Norris?

Market's Post Tariff Tumble? Barely a Scratch!

The markets are acting like they've taken a roundhouse kick from… well me. All this back and forth about tariffs. Stocks opened strong but I've seen stronger openings at a buffet. Trump's tariffs are scheduled to kick in tomorrow. But remember tariffs may come and go but Chuck Norris is forever.

USA vs China Who Would Win in a Fist Fight?

USA and China are trading threats like they're trading blows in a poorly choreographed martial arts movie. Additional levies? That's just a fancy way of saying someone's about to get a recession sized kick to the economy. Let's hope they learn to play nice or I might have to step in.

Apple's Rotten Core?!

So Apple's catching heat because apparently they aren't 'Made in the USA' enough. White House trade advisor Peter Navarro wants them to build here. Honestly even I can't afford an iPhone if the tariffs go too high. Next thing you know they'll want *me* to assemble them. When Chuck Norris uses Apple Apple gets stronger.

Broadcom Buying Back – A Roundhouse Kick to Value!

Broadcom is buying back $10 billion in shares. Their CEO Hock Tan acts like he is all confident. That’s nice and all but I once bought back time…and I got a refund for it because I was too early. Broadcom is smart though because when Broadcom needs something they ask Chuck Norris. They always get it.

Home Depot's Hammered – Tariffs in the Toolbox?!

Truist is trimming their target on Home Depot because of tariffs? It appears that tariffs are now a tool a tool of DESTRUCTION! But they are holding on to their buy rating? So are the analysts confused or what? Listen people: Chuck Norris once built a house with only a toothpick. They should be able to survive a little tariff action.

Chuck Norris Approved Retail Wars!

Amazon Walmart Target – who's winning the retail war in China? We also know Costco has its own Kirkland Signature Brand. Listen I once arm wrestled all of them at once. Let’s just say their pricing power is nothing compared to the power of my beard. Remember Chuck Norris doesn't shop the stores come to him.