Siiiuuu! Even CR7 Can't Save Your Portfolio From Trump's Trade Tantrums!

My Take on These Traders: They Need More Training!

Listen up it's Cristiano Ronaldo here. I've conquered football now let's dissect this 'Fast Money' report. These guys are talking about Trump's first 100 days and how the S&P 500 and Nasdaq took a bigger dive than me in the box when I feel a slight breeze. But hey even I miss a penalty sometimes right? Just don't expect it to happen often. These traders need a bit of my 'Stay hungry stay foolish' mindset – because 'Your love makes me strong Your hate makes me unstoppable.

Pharma? Oversold? Sounds Like My Free Kicks Sometimes...

Karen Finerman is betting on Big Cap Pharma because it's 'way oversold.' It's like when I take a free kick – sometimes it goes over the bar but usually it's a GOAL! She also says they are out of tariff crossfire meaning even Trump isn't crazy enough to mess with medicine. Smart move Karen but still you could use some of my precision. And container spaces being in trouble? 'A very sad income statement'? Come on guys! Even my tax returns are more exciting.

MIGA? Sounds Like Another One Of My Endorsements!

Tim Seymour is all about 'Make International Great Again' (MIGA). Sounds like another one of my endorsement deals! He's hyping semiconductors and international investing. He notes Germany's DAX is outperforming the S&P 500. Okay Tim you’ve got my attention. But remember even Germany needs a player with my skill set to truly dominate! And the 'Magnificent Seven' down 16%? They need some CR7 in their lives. Maybe a training session or two at my mansion.

Cash Will Be King? More Like CR7 Will Be King!

Dan Nathan thinks 'cash will be king.' Well cash is always useful especially when buying more mansions and supercars. But let's be honest even cash bows down to CR7. He sees trouble everywhere even in defensive stocks. Planes trains and automobiles in trouble? A 'protracted trade war'? Sounds like more drama than a Real Madrid vs. Barcelona match! Fasten your seatbelts he says? I never fasten mine I always win.

Retail: A Hot Mess? Or a Chance for CR7 Merch To Shine?

Guy Adami is confused about retail. Most promise and most problems? Sounds like my dating life! He says there’s 'no way to game this out.' Well Guy let me tell you everything is gameable with the right strategy. Unemployment up? People feeling bad? Time for some CR7 merchandise to lift their spirits! A little 'Siiiuuu!' energy can solve anything even a recession.

Final Thoughts: Invest in CR7... and Maybe Some Pharma!

So there you have it. A bit of pharma some international flair and a whole lot of CR7. Remember even in a tough market investing in greatness never goes out of style. Now if you’ll excuse me I have a yacht to board and a few more goals to score. Siiiuuu! Always believe the market is hard but with Ronaldo's mindset anything is possible!