Siiiii! Darden Scores Big! Even Bigger Than My Goals!

Earnings? More Like Earning My Respect!

Alright alright settle down! It's your favorite goal machine CR7 reporting live from… well not the pitch this time. Turns out even the best of us need to know what's happening off the field. And guess what? Darden Restaurants the big boss behind Olive Garden and LongHorn just CRUSHED IT! They beat Wall Street's expectations. Earnings per share? A solid $2.98. Revenue? A WHOPPING $3.27 billion! Even I'm impressed. And I don't get impressed easily you know. It's like scoring a hat trick in the Champions League final… almost.

Olive Garden and LongHorn: The Dynamic Duo!

Now let's talk about the real MVPs: Olive Garden and LongHorn Steakhouse. These guys are like me and… well me! Olive Garden's same store sales went up 6.9%! That's more goals than some teams score in a whole season! And LongHorn? A respectable 6.7%. Even Wall Street couldn't predict that much deliciousness. Seems like everyone wants unlimited breadsticks and a perfectly cooked steak. Can't blame them. I might even take Georgina there for our next date night… after I win the next Ballon d'Or of course.

Even Fine Dining Can Have a Bad Day: It Happens!

Okay okay not everything is perfect. Even CR7 misses a penalty sometimes (rarely but it happens!). Darden's fine dining segment including Ruth's Chris and The Capital Grille saw a slight dip. But hey even the best restaurants have off days. Maybe they just need to add a little *Siuuuu!* to their service. I'm available for consulting Darden. My rates are… negotiable. Let's just say they involve a lifetime supply of breadsticks.

Cheddar's Goes Digital: Is Uber Eats Ready For This?

Cheddar's Scratch Kitchen is getting with the times! Partnering with Uber Direct for on demand delivery. That's like me partnering with… well I'm already the best partner I could have. But seriously it's smart. Even I have to order in sometimes (when I'm not cooking up a storm in my own kitchen of course). Imagine Cheddar's biscuits delivered right to your door. *Siuuuu!* I might have to try this myself… after my next workout.

A Billion Dollars? Not Bad Darden Not Bad

And now for the big money moves! Darden's board authorized a $1 billion share repurchase program. A BILLION! That's more money than I spend on… well never you mind. Let's just say it's a lot of money. But hey it shows they're confident. And confidence is key both on and off the field. Remember what I always say: 'Your love makes me strong. Your hate makes me unstoppable.' Darden's taking that to heart apparently.

Darden is the GOAT! I Mean Almost.

So there you have it. Darden Restaurants is winning. Olive Garden and LongHorn are dominating. Cheddar's is delivering. And I CR7 am here to tell you all about it. Because even the greatest soccer player in the world (yes I said it) knows a good investment when he sees one. Just like my career Darden is on an upward trajectory. Keep scoring those goals Darden! And remember: 'Talent without working hard is nothing.' Keep working hard and maybe just maybe you'll reach my level of success. Almost.