Yum Brands CEO Claims Tariff Immunity: Is This Cosmic Confidence or Just Plain Crazy?

No Tariff Trouble? Seriously?

Hey everyone Carol Danvers here reporting live from… well everywhere! I just zipped in from saving a planet (again) and caught wind of some *interesting* news from Earth. Apparently David Gibbs the big cheese at Yum Brands (you know the guys behind KFC Taco Bell and Pizza Hut) is claiming they're totally unaffected by those pesky tariffs. 'Higher further faster!' is my motto but are we reaching for the stars too much here? "We have not seen any pushback related to tariffs," he said on CNBC. Seriously? Maybe he’s got a Tesseract stashed in his office and he's sourcing all his chicken from another dimension.

Supply Chain Shenanigans: It's All Local Apparently

Gibbs claims their secret is sourcing everything locally. 'Our model's pretty insulated,' he boasted. Okay Mr. CEO are you telling me that every Taco Bell gets its… 'seasoned beef' (and I use that term loosely) from a local farm down the street? And the Colonel's eleven herbs and spices are grown in a community garden? This sounds like some serious hocus pocus. Maybe he's got Goose whispering sweet nothings to the supply chain managers.

Pizza Hut's Pain: A Cosmic Conundrum

Now here's where things get a little sus. While Gibbs is all smiles and tariff proof Pizza Hut is having a bit of a rough time. Same store sales were lower than expected which is like saying the Kree empire lost a battle. Something's not adding up here. Is Pizza Hut secretly funding the Skrulls? Are they using substandard cheese from Knowhere? Enquiring minds (and Captain Marvel) want to know!

Taco Bell's Triumph: A Chalupa of Success

Meanwhile Taco Bell is apparently crushing it! Beating estimates like I beat Ronan the Accuser which is saying something. Maybe it's the allure of the Doritos Locos Tacos. Or maybe it's something more… sinister? Nah probably just the tacos. Although I wouldn't put it past them to have some hidden cosmic ingredient.

AI in the Drive Thru: Resistance is Futile?

Hold on to your helmets folks because here comes the future! Yum Brands is diving headfirst into AI partnering with Nvidia to put voice activated robots in Taco Bell drive thrus. Gibbs claims employees love it and turnover is down. I bet. 'It's improving the experience for the employee,' he says. I'm sure the employees are thrilled to be replaced by machines. Sounds like a plot straight out of a Skrull invasion manual if you ask me. Maybe it’s all part of some plan to control the world one cheesy gordita crunch at a time.

The Future is Now… Probably

So there you have it. According to Yum Brands everything's coming up Milhouse tariffs are a myth and robots are our friends. Me? I'm still a little skeptical. I'll keep my eye on things just in case this is all part of some elaborate cosmic scheme. You know what they say: 'Higher further faster… but always stay vigilant!' And maybe grab a Crunchwrap Supreme. For research purposes of course.