Is the Economy Going to Tank?! Captain Marvel Sounds the Alarm!

Higher Further Faster... Towards Recession?

Hey Starforce fans Carol Danvers here reporting from... well not space this time. Turns out Earth's got its own crises and this one involves money. A recent survey says 82% of big shot investors think the global economy is about to take a nosedive. That's the highest level of pessimism in 30 years! Makes you wonder if they've been hanging out with Ronan the Accuser. Talk about a gloomy bunch.

Trump's Tariffs: A Galactic Sized Headache

Seems like the root of all this doom and gloom is some Earth dude named Trump and his trade policies. Apparently his moves are so chaotic they've sent the stock market into a tailspin. I've fought intergalactic wars that were less confusing! It's like he's trying to pilot a spaceship with his eyes closed. Honestly I've seen Kree strategists come up with better plans after a night at the bar with Rocket Raccoon.

Recession Alert: Level Yon Rogg

A whopping 42% of fund managers are saying a recession is likely. That's the fourth highest level in 20 years! Looks like the economic threat level is approaching 'Yon Rogg trying to steal my powers' kind of serious. And inflation? Sky high! Higher than when I'm flying through the atmosphere at warp speed. Not good people not good.

Volatility: More Bumpy Than a Ride in the Milano

The stock market's been more volatile than a skrull in a room full of DNA scanners. The 'fear gauge' spiked above 50! Even I get less nervous when facing down a whole fleet of hostile aliens. Apparently these tariff changes are coming so fast it's like trying to dodge energy blasts from a whole squadron of enemy ships. No one knows what's coming next.

Investors Bail on the U.S.: 'Avengers Assemble... Some Other Economy'

A record number of investors are pulling their money out of U.S. stocks. Confidence in the U.S. is dwindling faster than Fury's patience when he's trying to explain something to Thor. People are running scared towards safe bets like gold and bonds. It's like they're all saying 'Avengers assemble... some other economy!'

Gold Rush: Not the Shiny Metal Kind But Close

Speaking of gold apparently it's the 'it' investment right now. Everyone's piling into it like it's the last life raft on a sinking spaceship. And bonds? Skyrocketing! So if you're looking for a place to stash your cash maybe skip the stocks and invest in shiny things. Just don't go digging up my Binary form for spare change okay?