Shiver Me Timbers! Purdy's Plunder: From Last Pick to Piggy Bank!

A Pirate's Life for a Quarterback!

Savvy? Now I Captain Jack Sparrow have seen a thing or two in my travels across the seven seas but this… this be a tale worth tellin'! Seems young Brock Purdy the last lad picked in some draft or another – ignorable really – has gone and bamboozled the entire NFL! They're payin' him like he *is* the treasure not just hidin' it. Five years a king's ransom enough to make even ol' Barbossa jealous. 'Not all treasure is silver and gold mate.' Sometimes it's a bloke who can throw a pigskin… or somethin'.

Dead Men Tell No Tales But Contracts Do!

Word on the salty street is this contract be worth $265 million! Now I’ve had bounties on my head that size but never had I seen one for throwin' a ball. More importantly $181 million in guarantees! Guarantees mind you! That be more 'insurance' than I've ever seen in Tortuga and that's saying something. He is now among the highest paid players in the history of this… league. History I say! It's enough to make a pirate consider a career change. Though I suppose it’s still less trouble than bein’ hanged.

Why is the Rum Gone? Oh Right Purdy's Got It!

This Purdy fellow’s annual haul is $53 million. And I thought *I* was good at finding treasure! It puts him neck and neck with other scalawags like Herbert and Goff. But who are we kidding? What matters is this: the boy's gone from 'Mr. Irrelevant' to 'Mr. Incredibly Rich' faster than you can say 'Where's the rum?' It seems San Francisco is willin' to bet a pretty penny on this young buck's arm. Smart move or folly? Time will tell… though I'm guessin' there will be plenty of rum involved regardless.

No Drama? Lies! All Lies!

Purdy claims he wanted no drama with the contract. Ha! As if! What's life without a bit of a swashbuckling negotiation? But it seems he played it cool showin' up to the voluntary stuff… probably lookin' all innocent and eager to throw. Clever lad! He reeled them in hook line and sinker. Makes a pirate proud it does. "The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem."

From Zero to Hero (with a Hefty Paycheck)

Think about it! This lad led the 49ers to the NFC Championship and the Super Bowl in his first two seasons! He's been slingin' that pigskin with a vengeance rackin' up a fine record and impressive stats too. It's no wonder they're payin' him as a franchise quarterback as if he has single handedly plundered the NFL. It is still not worth the gallows though right?

The Stats Don't Lie (But Pirates Do)

Purdy's stats be lookin' shipshape mind you. A 23 13 record completed passes galore and touchdowns aplenty. Even in the postseason he's been sharp. Now I'm no expert on… whatever this football is but those numbers seem to say he's earned his keep and then some. The question now is: can he keep it up? Or will he end up buried at sea with a chest full of fool's gold? Only time and perhaps a bottle of rum will tell.