Shiver Me Timbers! Netflix Just Found the Treasure! Will They Share the Booty?!

A Pirate's Life for Netflix Says I!

Savvy? It appears that Netflix in its own peculiar way has managed to plunder a hefty treasure chest! They've announced their earnings and wouldn't you know it revenue's up a grand 13% for the first quarter of 2025. That's $10.54 billion a number so large even I Captain Jack Sparrow would need a bigger ship to carry it all! Aye they've outsmarted those landlubber Wall Street types who thought they knew better. As I always say the problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem!

More Doubloons Less Counting Heads!

Now here's a twist worthy of a kraken's tentacle: Netflix is abandoning the age old tradition of counting every single scallywag subscribing! Instead they're focusing on the real prize the gold! The sweet sweet revenue! It's a bold move I'll grant them that. Perhaps they've realized like I have that numbers are just guidelines really. More importantly they be shifting their focus to revenue. After all what good is a crew of millions if they ain't bringing in the booty?

Raise the Prices! (And the Jolly Roger!)

Ah but how did they fill those coffers? Simple my friends: they hiked the prices! A bit of a squeeze for the common sailor eh? But fear not! They’ve made adjustments to all ye subscription plans. Standard ad supported and premium all costing more now. From $15.49 to $17.99 from $6.99 to $7.99 and from $22.99 to $24.99 me hearties! Now that's what I call a proper levy! Clever girl...

Trump's Trade Winds Blow!

The news also mentions that other media companies are feeling the pinch due to shall we say *interesting* trade policies from President Trump. The stock market a beast as unpredictable as the sea itself is causing them no end of trouble. But Netflix? They remain steady as the *Black Pearl* in a storm claiming 'no material change' to their outlook. Impressive to be sure! Though I would take that with a grain of salt because as I always say... the seas may be rough but I am the Captain!

Breaking News! (Like a Shipwreck!)

They call this a 'breaking news story.' Well breaking news is like a shipwreck isn't it? All chaos and flotsam. But keep your eyes peeled savvy? More details are bound to surface! I shall remain ever vigilant ready to report with the same...uh... accuracy you've come to expect from Captain Jack Sparrow! Why is the rum always gone!?

Earnings Per What Now?!

Alright I'll humor these landlubbers with their numbers. Earnings per share: $6.61 exceeding the expected $5.71. Revenue: $10.54 billion surpassing the predicted $10.52 billion. Numbers numbers... it's all a game isn't it? As long as the rum keeps flowing and the treasure keeps piling who am I to argue? But if I were you I’d use those numbers for good not evil.