HOLY TESTICULAR FORTITUDE! Air India Flight 171 Goes Down in Flames! Passenger Walks Away?!

Alllllrighty Then! Catastrophe Strikes!

Alrighty then let's get right to it! Yours truly Ace Ventura Pet Detective (and now apparently aviation disaster analyst who knew?!) is on the scene virtually of course after hearing about this whole Air India shebang. Two hundred and forty one souls poof! Gone like a rhino in a tutu. A Boeing 787 Dreamliner crashed right after takeoff in Ahmedabad India. Talk about a bad day at the office eh? Looks like someone needs a time out in the corner... or maybe a whole new plane!

One Lucky SOB!

But hold the phone! (Does anyone even *use* phones anymore?!) Miraculously one dude a British national no less survived! That's right walked away from a freaking fireball! Someone get this guy a lottery ticket stat! Though I guess in a way he already won the lottery of life. You gotta ask yourself though what's the universe trying to tell him huh? Probably something like 'Lay off the curry mate!'

She's Going Down I'm Yelling Timber!

The flight Air India Flight 171 was headed to London Gatwick but it looks like it barely cleared the runway. Apparently the plane reached a measly 625 feet before deciding to take a nosedive faster than you can say 'Do NOT go in there!' Witnesses say it looked like a scene straight out of a Michael Bay movie – fireball smoke the whole nine yards. I'm telling you this is why I prefer traveling by dolphin. Much safer. And they give great back rubs.

294 Dead? Oh The Humanity

Local officials are saying almost 300 died including students who were in the building that the plane crashed into. Talk about being at the wrong place at the wrong time. It's a real tragedy! Prayers go out to everyone.

Blame It on the Bat Guano!

So what caused this flying metal death trap to plummet from the sky? No one knows yet! Officials are investigating Boeing is issuing statements and everyone's pointing fingers like a room full of chimpanzees. I bet it was bat guano in the fuel line! I've seen it happen before believe me. Happens to the best of us. *adjusts Hawaiian shirt*

Boeing Blues!

This ain't good news for Boeing folks. They've been having a rough go of it lately and this is just another kick in the pants. Their shares are tanking faster than a bowling ball in a swimming pool. Maybe they should consult with me Ace Ventura Aviation Safety Consultant. I'll get to the bottom of this faster than you can say 'Alllllrighty then!'