Discord in Deep Doo-Doo! Are Your Kids Safe Online?!

Holy Testicle Tuesday! New Jersey's Got Beef!

Alrighty then! Ace Ventura here Pet Detective and now... internet sleuth? Seems New Jersey's Attorney General this Matthew Platkin fella has slapped Discord with a lawsuit! Claims they're pullin' a fast one on parents and kiddies with their so called 'safety features.' I can smell a cover up from here and believe me I've smelled some things that would make a skunk gag!

Age Verification? More Like Age...Fiction!

Apparently these under thirteen whippersnappers are fibbing about their age to get on Discord. Lying? On the internet? Preposterous! It's like saying Einhorn is Finkel! Finkel is Einhorn! Einhorn is a MAN! Oh excuse me I got a little carried away there. But seriously Discord's age verification system sounds about as effective as a screen door on a submarine.

Safe Direct Messaging? More Like Danger Direct Messaging!

They're promising this 'Safe Direct Messaging' will scan and delete all the nasty stuff but it's apparently about as useful as a chocolate teapot! Even when the filters are on kids are still seeing things that would make even *me* say 'I need to go wash my aura!' Discord's claiming they're all about safety but actions speak louder than words and their actions are screaming 'PARTY!'

Civil Penalties? Sounds Like a Messy Situation!

The Attorney General wants to hit them with some civil penalties. Translation? Discord's gonna need a whole lotta kibble. And this isn't just a New Jersey thing. Other states are going after Meta Snap and TikTok too. Looks like social media's in a whole lotta trouble and my spidey sense is tingling...or is that just a rash?

Senate Grill Session: Extra Crispy!

Remember that Senate hearing? Where the bigwigs from Meta TikTok Snap Discord and X got roasted like marshmallows over a bonfire? Yeah well apparently talk is cheap. They're still not protecting the kids! It's like trying to teach a walrus to do the Macarena – frustrating and ultimately pointless!

Allllllllllrighty Then! What's Next?

So what's the bottom line? Discord's in the doghouse and it looks like they're gonna have to clean up their act. Or maybe just maybe parents need to take a closer look at what their kids are doing online. Because let's face it the internet can be a jungle out there and sometimes you need a Pet Detective to sniff out the danger! Allllllllllrighty then!