CVS and Dollar General Last Men Standing?! Is This Really Happening?!

Alllllrighty! The Plot Thickens!

Greetings Earthlings! Ace Ventura Pet Detective and now...market analyst? (Don't worry I still got the hair.) Jim Cramer that financial whiz with the tie that screams 'I'm important!' (but not as important as finding Snowflake obviously) has been yapping about CVS and Dollar General. Apparently these two are the last pups standing in the dog eat dog world of retail. Could it be? Could it REALLY be?

CVS: From Zero to Hero (Almost)

Now Cramer's saying CVS was in the doghouse last year earnings wise. Seems their health insurance gig Aetna was costing them more clams than a clam bake gone wild! But then BAM! They pulled a 'Kumbaya,' had a good earnings report in February and suddenly everyone's all like 'Oh CVS is the bee's knees!' But here's the kicker folks: Walgreens their main squeeze box is potentially going private. That means store closures! Less competition! CVS wins! It's elementary my dear Watson...or should I say my dear Einhorn?!

Dollar General: From Dimes to Dollars?

And then there's Dollar General. Apparently they've been wrestling with tariffs and whatnot but Cramer thinks they're doing alright. Why? Because their rival Dollar Tree is dumping Family Dollar faster than you can say 'shikaka!' More store closures! Less competition! Dollar General does the happy dance! This reminds me of that time I caught a live bat in a monastery they weren't too happy!

Sole Survivors: A New Hope?

Cramer's calling these two "recession proof." Like they can survive a nuclear winter filled with angry penguins! He claims that these rivals going into 'retrenchment mode' is a major 'W' for CVS and Dollar General! It seems they are the only ones left dancing to the beat! Could this mean smooth sailing for these two or are they in for a bumpy ride like when I tried to fly a plane with a seagull as my co pilot?

The Fine Print: Don't Quote Me On This!

Now before you go mortgaging your house to buy stock in CVS and Dollar General remember: I'm a pet detective not a financial guru! My expertise lies in finding Finkel not foretelling fortunes! So take Cramer's words with a grain of salt. And maybe a tiny umbrella...for protection against unforeseen market squalls! You never know when you'll get caught in the rain just like when I found that missing Shih Tzu in the swamp who knew it liked to swim?

Hasta La Vista Competitors!

So there you have it folks according to Jim Cramer anyway! CVS and Dollar General are winning the retail wars! But in the world of Ace Ventura anything can happen! Just remember always follow your instincts trust your gut and never EVER underestimate the power of a good Hawaiian shirt. And always be sure to leave the toilet seat down! Later losers!