Alllllrighty Then! Stock Market Rollercoaster: Ace's Tips for Not Losing Your Shirt (and Your Sanity!)

Shikaka! The Market's Gone Bananas!

Alrighty then! What in the wide wide world of sports is going on with the stock market? It's been more up and down than Snowflake's mood! One minute it's 'Party! Excellent!' and the next it's 'Loser!'. Seems like this Trump fella and that Powell dude are having a slap fight with the economy as the bouncy ball. The S&P 500 is down 10% from its February high which is making some investors sweat more than I do chasing a rare albino penguin in the Sahara.

For the Young Bucks: Keep On Truckin'!

But hold your horses folks! If you're a young whippersnapper with decades to go before you start collecting social security and playing shuffleboard market gurus are sayin' 'KEEP BUYING!' That's right these dips are like a clearance sale on stocks. Historically the stock market goes up over time so these short term setbacks are just minor bumps in the road to financial freedom... or at least enough to buy a decent tutu for Snowflake.

Short Term Shenanigans: Don't Be a Dodo!

Now if you're saving for something sooner like a down payment on a new condo a lavish wedding (hope the doves work out!) or a pimped out RV pump the brakes slowpoke! Putting that moolah into stocks right now is riskier than me trying to deliver a package to Mr. Pinkley. Christine Benz from Morningstar says you might end up with a 'meaningful loss' when you go to cash out. And nobody wants a meaningful loss... especially not when it involves losing a bet on a turtle race.

Safety First: Treat Your Money Like a Precious Rhino!

So where SHOULD you stash your cash if you need it in the next two or three years? Safety baby! Like wrapping your valuables in bubble wrap... or a giant condom! Benz suggests high yield savings accounts. Sure the interest might not be as thrilling as watching a dolphin do the Macarena but at least your money won't vanish faster than a donut at a police convention. Money market accounts or short term bond mutual funds are other options just don't go getting all fancy with certificates of deposit unless you like being tied down. I personally prefer the freedom of open water... and a good pair of swimming trunks.

Medium Term Mayhem: A Little Bit of This A Little Bit of That!

Got a slightly fuzzier timeline like three to ten years? Maybe you're saving for a house a business venture or a lifetime supply of hair gel (a wise investment indeed!). Benz recommends a mix of cash short term bonds and intermediate term bonds. Some financial wizards even say you can throw in a sprinkle of stocks but be prepared to adjust your plan if the market throws a hissy fit. It's like making a delicious fruit smoothie... you gotta balance the sweet with the slightly tangy. And if things go south you can always blame the monkey.

The Bottom Line: Don't Be a Victim of Volatility!

Remember folks don't let the allure of quick riches cloud your judgment! As Marcus Holzberg says 'Volatility is the price of admission for long term growth but it becomes a liability for near term needs.' So whether you're saving for a dream wedding a new car or just to finally pay off that overdue library book be smart with your money. And always remember my motto: 'Love all God's creatures... right after money!' Now if you'll excuse me I have a missing chihuahua to find... and a date with a coconut.