Alllllrighty Then! Apple's Earnings: A Case of the Slightly Underestimated Services!

Holy Macanoli! Numbers Are Up... Mostly!

Greetings Earthlings! Ace Ventura Pet Detective AND now… financial analyst (sort of) here! I've been sniffing around Apple's latest earnings report and let me tell you it's a real humdinger! They beat Wall Street's expectations which is like finding a clean pair of socks in a rhino's backside – rare and delightful! Earnings per share clocked in at $1.65 and revenue hit $95.4 billion. That's more clams than a New England chowder convention!

iPhone Mania: No Seriously They're Doing Great!

The iPhone Apple's golden goose strutted its stuff with $46.84 billion in revenue! That's enough to buy a lifetime supply of tutu wearing pigeons! Mac and iPad sales were also struttin' high. But hold on to your hats folks because the plot thickens...

Services? More Like 'Service Us a Little More'!

The Services division which includes iCloud Apple Music and all that jazz hit $26.65 billion. Not bad right? WRONG! It was UNDER expectations! A slight miss but still... that's like promising Fido a steak and giving him kibble. Disappointing! As I always say 'Do NOT go in there!' (Unless you're investigating a slightly underperforming financial division then proceed with caution!).

Tim Cook: He's Got This Maybe?

Tim Cook the big kahuna at Apple mentioned the dreaded 'tariffs.' Said they had 'limited impact,' which is corporate speak for 'we're managing.' He also mentioned they're sourcing iPhones from India and other products from Vietnam to dodge those pesky taxes. Smart thinking Tim! Just like I dodged that tranquilizer dart from the evil Ronald Camp! Almost.

Chips Ahoy! Made in the USA!

Cook proudly proclaimed that iPhones use a lot of chips made domestically. 19 billion chips this year! Talk about a brain boost for the economy. 'Your balls are showing!' I'm not sure why that came to mind but it felt appropriate. Maybe because Cook's got the guts to keep things movin' despite the financial jungle out there.

Bottom Line: They'll Be Back. (Probably)

Apple authorized a cool $100 billion in share repurchases (a little less than last year) and they're raising their dividend. Overall Apple's doing alrighty then! But keep an eye on those Services folks. They need a little Ace Ventura magic to reach their full potential! Now if you'll excuse me I have a missing Shih Tzu to find. Farewell!