ALLLLRIGHTY THEN! Amazon's Earnings Under the Tariff Microscope!

Earnings Expectations: Shikaaa!

Alrighty then! Ace Ventura Pet Detective reporting live from the jungle of Wall Street! Word on the street (and by street I mean LSEG) is Amazon's expected to rake in $1.36 per share and a whopping $155.04 billion in revenue. That's a lotta moolah even for a company that practically owns the internet! But will they deliver? That's the big question folks. Like finding Snowflake the missing dolphin this ain't gonna be easy!

Web Services and Ads: The Real MVPs?

Hold onto your tutus folks! Amazon Web Services (AWS) is projected to bring in $29.42 billion and advertising is expected to pull in $13.74 billion. That's like a double rainbow man! But can they maintain the momentum? This could be a game changer just like when I found the missing Miami Dolphins mascot!

Tariffs: The Real Villains?

Now here's where things get hairy. Trump's tariffs are like a cloud of skunk spray hanging over Amazon's earnings. A potential 145% levy on goods from China? That's a LOT of cheddar! Investors are worried that this could impact Amazon's margins and cause shoppers to tighten their wallets like a constipated boa constrictor. Could this be the next Einhorn is Finkle situation?

The De Minimis Dilemma!

The White House got a bee in its bonnet about Amazon showing tariff related costs to shoppers but Amazon squashed that quicker than you can say 'Allllllrighty then!' CEO Andy Jassy is trying to keep prices low by making strategic inventory buys. But let's be real some third party sellers will have to pass those costs onto consumers. Its like trying to find a clean restroom at a gas station virtually impossible!

Trump's Tariff Windfall?

Believe it or not these tariffs could give Amazon a short term boost! Shoppers might be stocking up in anticipation of price hikes like buying extra kibble when you know the pet food store is going out of business. And with Trump's executive order targeting discount Chinese retailers like Temu and Shein Amazon might just come out smelling like roses or maybe...petunias!

AI and the Cloud: Future Shock!

Outside of retail everyone's got their eyeballs peeled on Amazon's cloud computing biz and investments in AI. It's a mixed bag so far with Microsoft killin' it in the cloud and Alphabet just missing the mark. Amazon's promising to spend $100 billion on AI so get ready for some serious technological hocus pocus! But will it be enough to save their stock? Only time will tell. Now if you'll excuse me I have a rhinoceros giving birth any minute now...or maybe its just a particularly gassy chihuahua...