ALLLLLLRIGHTY THEN! ESPN Gets Down and Dirty with Lacrosse! A New Chapter Unfolds!

Holy Testicle Tuesday! ESPN Goes Lacrosse Loco!

Alrighty then! Ace Ventura Pet Detective reporting live from... well wherever the wind takes me! Seems ESPN that gargantuan sports eyeball is gettin' cozy with the Premier Lacrosse League (PLL). Five year deal baby! That's like seven dog years! And they're not just sharin' the love on air they're droppin' some serious clams buyin' a piece of the action! Somebody stop me! I can't control myself! Okay I will stop. I'm calming down. See? I can be calm. Very calm. (Deep breaths) Alrighty then! Moving on!

PLL's Got Game: From Zero to Hero Just Like Me After Finding Snowflake!

Let me tell you somethin'. This ain't your grandma's knitting circle. Pro lacrosse is BOOMIN'! Broadcast sponsorships butts in seats – it's all goin' up! Up up up! Kinda like my rent when I found that albino pigeon! And get this Lacrosse is hittin' the Olympics in '28! That's in LA. Cue the hair gel and convertible! Woohoo! Feels like I'm gonna burst into song! (Clears throat) 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang...'

A 3% Stake? That's a Lotta Guano!

Now hold your horses! ESPN's throwin' down snatchin' up a 3% stake in the PLL. That's like... well it's more than I have in my checking account let's just say that! A little birdie told me (an anonymous birdie mind you) that's the inside scoop. Paul Rabil the PLL's big cheese is practicly doin' the Hula! He says ESPN knows sports fans and can predict growth or somethin' like that. Validation baby! Validation!

ESPN: Not Just a Pretty Face They're Lacrosse Lifers!

Turns out ESPN's been lovin' lacrosse for like three decades! That's longer than I've been wearin' this Hawaiian shirt... almost. And it's payin' off! Viewership's up! All Star games are breakin' records! They're not just blowin' hot air. This is the real deal folks! Like findin' a rare penguin in a Miami swimming pool but way less messy.

Show Me The Money! And The Tickets!

Ka ching! Ticket sales are through the roof! Up 34%! Attendance is up ticket revenue's lookin' good and sponsors are throwin' money around like it's confetti at a poodle convention! This league is hotter than a jalapeno popper in July! I'm sensing... prosperity! Wait is that a cricket? Or just my stomach growling?

Even Women Get To Have Fun! (Allrighty Then!)

And hold on to your tutus because the PLL even launched a Women's Lacrosse League last year! Talk about a game changer! They are in their first season right now! Alllllllrighty then! It's so progressive it makes me wanna... well I don't know what it makes me wanna do but it's good! Real good! Now if you'll excuse me I gotta go find a missing gecko. Nature calls... and it usually needs my help.