Alllllrighty Then! Trump Says 'No Deals,' But Is He Just Monkeying Around?

White House Wobble: Is Trump Going Bananas?

Greetings Earthlings! Ace Ventura Pet Detective reporting live from… well not exactly live. I'm reading this news article see? Apparently the big cheese President Donald Trump just dropped a bombshell. He said the U.S. doesn't need to 'sign deals' with trade partners. Like whaaaaat? Top White House officials have been flapping their gums about these deals for weeks! It's like saying Finkle *is* Einhorn... Einhorn *is* Finkle! A major head scratcher!

The 'When When When?' Blues: Trump's Trade Tantrum

Trump in what the article calls a 'White House meeting with Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney' (who by the way I bet has some *very* interesting pets back home) grumbled about everyone asking 'when when when' he's gonna sign deals. He's all 'We don't have to sign deals they have to sign deals with us!' It's like he's trying to sell snow to an Eskimo! He wants them to beg for a piece of our market but doesn't want to reciprocate? This is getting weirder than a rhino giving birth to a chihuahua.

100 Deals? More Like 100 Monkeys!

Apparently Trump is frustrated with the mounting pressure. He said one day he'll 'give you 100 deals.' Yeah right! I bet those 'deals' are just a bunch of monkeys wearing tiny business suits ready to fling poo at the first sign of trouble. He is clearly fibbing! Anyone else smell what the Trump is cooking?

Flip Flop Fiesta: Bessent's Betrayal!

Hold the phone folks! The article says this whole 'no deals' thing is a 'turn away' from what Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent said the day before. Bessent was all sunshine and rainbows claiming they were 'very close to some deals.' Talk about mixed signals! This is like trying to train a pigeon to do the Macarena. Utter chaos!

Luxury Store Logic: Trump's Trade Takeover

Trump is blaming his aides for 'overpromising' trade deals. He wants everyone to think of the U.S. as a 'super luxury store.' A luxury store? More like a clearance bin with a fancy sign! He says people are going to have to 'pay to shop in the United States.' Sounds less like a deal and more like a hostage situation. Does not compute!

Markets in Mayhem: Investors Irony

And get this! The markets are doing the cha cha slide downwards! Investors and business leaders are sweating bullets hoping for these bilateral agreements. But so far nothing! Zip! Zilch! Nada! Just empty promises and the faint smell of...guano. Looks like the world is relying on Ace Ventura to set things right alllllrighty then!