Holy Smokes! Pope Francis Gone to the Great Beyond!?

Alllllrighty Then! The Big News Breaks!

Alrighty then! Ace Ventura Pet Detective reporting LIVE from my couch (it's cleaner than the Vatican trust me!). Word on the street – or rather echoing through St. Peter's Square – is that Pope Francis has to quote a very wise penguin 'Gone to the other side!' Yeah Cardinal Kevin Farrell made the official announcement all somber and stuff. Seems Frankie boy kicked the bucket at 7:35 this morning. Talk about a 'morning person!' Not.

From Nightclub Bouncer to Pontiff... INSPIRATIONAL!

Can you believe it? This guy's journey is wilder than a rhino giving birth in a crowded elevator! Jorge Mario Bergoglio born in Buenos Aires worked as a janitor AND a nightclub bouncer (I bet he could handle a rowdy congregation!). Then BAM! Chemical technician! Then whammy ordained a priest! And then kablamo the BIG cheese – Pope Francis! The first Jesuit Pope the first from the Southern Hemisphere… what a legacy! He was like the Einhorn of the papacy – a total surprise!

Culture Wars and 'Todos Todos Todos!'

Now things got spicy during Frankie's reign. U.S. bishops getting all hot and bothered about President Biden and communion? Talk about a religious rumble! But Pope Francis bless his heart tried to keep things chill. He even hinted at the whole 'communion' thing being a little less… exclusive. Plus he championed LGBTQ+ Catholics chanting 'Todos todos todos!' which roughly translates to 'Everybody everybody EVERYBODY!'. It was like a spiritual dance party people!

Blessings for All (Except Maybe Dolphins?)

And hold onto your hats folks! Frankie even gave the thumbs up to priests blessing same sex couples! HUGE! He said it shouldn't be like a full blown wedding but still a step in the right direction! He believed folks searching for divine love shouldn't have to pass a 'moral analysis' tougher than trying to find a missing Shih Tzu in a hurricane. It's like Can't we all just get along?

Health Hiccups: 'Still Alive!'

Of course the poor fella wasn't exactly a spring chicken. Lung issues surgeries… the whole shebang! But every time he bounced back he'd crack a joke! After one hospitalization he told reporters he was 'still alive!' That's the spirit! Never give up never surrender… unless you're facing a rabid raccoon with a vendetta. Then maybe surrender a little.

So Long Frankie. Farewell My Lovely.

So there you have it folks! Pope Francis is off to that big basilica in the sky. He wasn't perfect (nobody is except maybe dolphins...or are they?) but he sure did shake things up! He tried to make the Church a little more inclusive a little more loving a little more... 'alrighty then!' Rest in peace Frankie! And remember: Love everyone even if they're wearing a tutu that clashes with their papal robes. Peace out!