Chuck Norris Approved: Dividend Stocks That Kick Market Volatility in the Face

Market Mayhem? Not on Chuck Norris' Watch!

The market's acting like a two year old who just discovered sugar. But fear not because when the market gets volatile Chuck Norris doesn't panic – I invest in dividend stocks. Why? Because even the toughest guys need a little passive income. It's like having a roundhouse kick that pays you back. Wall Street's been whispering about some solid picks and when Wall Street whispers I listen. Then I verify with a roundhouse kick. So let's get down to business. Remember when the going gets tough the tough invest in dividend stocks.

Chord Energy: The Name Says It All

First up we have Chord Energy (CHRD). These guys are drilling in the Williston Basin. They're turning black gold into greenbacks and sharing the wealth. They recently reported some impressive results and analysts are drooling over their potential. Analyst Gabriele Sorbara calls it a 'top pick.' Sorbara raised the price target to $125 from $121 and he knows his stuff. The stock offers a dividend yield of 6.8%. That's like getting paid to watch paint dry except the paint is oil and you're getting a solid return. Chord Energy is returning over 75% of its free cash flow to shareholders through dividends and opportunistic share repurchases. It's so good it's almost unfair. But remember fairness is for losers. Chuck Norris wins.

Chevron: The Oil Behemoth

Next we have Chevron (CVX). These guys have been around longer than my beard. They are returning $6.9 billion of cash to shareholders during the first quarter through share repurchases of $3.9 billion and dividends of $3.0 billion. The stock offers a dividend yield of 4.8%. Analyst Neil Mehta trimmed his price target for Chevron stock to $174 from $176 and reaffirmed a buy rating. Chevron is constructive on the operating outlook in the Gulf of Mexico and expects to increase production in the region to 300,000 boe/d in 2026. In the world of finance CVX is the equivalent of Chuck Norris. Reliable powerful and always delivers a kick.

EOG Resources: Unleashing the Energy Beast

Last but certainly not least is EOG Resources (EOG). These guys are like the new kid on the block but they pack a punch. They returned $1.3 billion to shareholders including $538 million in dividends and $788 million via share repurchases. Analyst Scott Hanold reaffirmed a buy rating on EOG stock with a price target of $145. EOG stock offers a dividend yield of 3.4%. Hanold expects management to flex buybacks to above 100% and think there is a path to over $1 billion resulting total returns at ~150% of 2Q25 FCF. So if you're looking for a stock that's got the energy of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick EOG is your play.

Chuck Norris' Investment Advice: Don't Be a Sucker!

Here's the deal: I'm not telling you what to do with your money. But if you're looking for stability and income in a market that's wilder than a Texas tornado these dividend stocks might be worth a look. Do your own research consult with a financial advisor and remember the best investment is the one that lets you sleep at night. Of course I never sleep. I wait.

Remember Folks:

While the rest of the world has inflation Chuck Norris has Chuckflation: prices go up out of fear. But in all seriousness these are just a few of the dividend paying stocks that Wall Street analysts are recommending. So buckle up do your homework and get ready to kick some financial butt! Because remember in the world of investing you either win or you learn. And with Chuck Norris on your side you're always winning!