Auto Prices About to Kick You in the Wallet Thanks to Tariffs!?!

Tariffs? More Like Terror iffs!

Alright listen up. You think paying for a car is tough now? Hold my beer. These new auto tariffs are about to hit your wallet harder than I hit a heavy bag… blindfolded. Cox Automotive is saying prices on new and used vehicles are going up way up. Thanks to these 25% tariffs buying a car is about to feel like fighting me for the last donut – you’re gonna lose and it's gonna hurt.

New Cars New Problems Same Old Chuck!

These tariffs ain't just hitting fancy foreign cars. Nope. They're slapping a price hike on everything including your good ol' American made rides. Cox Automotive is predicting a $6,000 increase on imported vehicles and a $3,600 hike on those assembled here in the U.S. That's enough to make a grown man cry... but Chuck Norris doesn't cry. He just roundhouse kicks the problem into submission. Unfortunately I can't roundhouse kick the economy (yet).

Used Car Blues: Not Even Chuck Can Escape 'Em!

Think you can outsmart the system by buying used? Think again pal. These tariffs are like a virus infecting the whole car market. Cox is saying used car prices are going up too which is unexpected. While the tariffs do not directly impact used car sales changes in new vehicle prices production and demand affect the used car market which is how the majority of Americans purchase a vehicle. The average price is expected to increase between 2.1% and 2.8% by the end of the year. You know what that means? You're paying more for a car with a history and if that car was previously owned by someone I fought well... good luck with that.

Automakers are Doing What?!

Automakers are scrambling like cockroaches when the lights come on. Some are offering employee pricing (probably because their employees are about to revolt) while others like Jaguar Land Rover are straight up pulling out of the U.S. market. I bet they're scared of my roundhouse kick reaching their dealerships. Even Hyundai is trying to play nice by holding prices for a bit. It's all a mess.

This Ain't COVID But It's Still a Disaster!

The article mentions the used vehicle market for dealers as volatile and even similar to the disruptions during the global health crisis. Apparently dealers are having a tough time getting enough cars so they're heading to auctions and driving up prices which is scary. It’s like the automotive version of a zombie apocalypse and the only cure is... well I'm working on it. In the meantime buckle up. It's gonna be a bumpy ride.

The Chuck Norris Solution (You Knew It Was Coming)

So what's the solution? Well first we all need to do some serious soul searching about our need for all these fancy cars. Maybe start walking more. Second someone needs to tell these politicians that messing with Chuck Norris's ability to buy a monster truck is a really really bad idea. And third just remember: Chuck Norris doesn't pay tariffs. Tariffs pay Chuck Norris. Now if you'll excuse me I have a roundhouse kick to deliver... to the gas pump.