Allllrighty Then! Starbucks in a Latte Trouble, But a Turnaround is Brewing!

Holy Cappuccino Batman! Numbers Don't Lie!

Greetings Earthlings! Ace Ventura: Pet Detective reporting live (and slightly caffeinated) from the scene of...disappointing earnings! Apparently Starbucks had a bit of a boo boo in their financial department. They were expecting to rake in the big bucks but alas the numbers were flatter than a pancake after a rhino convention. We're talking 41 cents per share when Wall Street wanted 49! Revenue? A measly $8.76 billion when $8.82 billion was the magic number! Could this BE any worse? Don't answer that.

Net Profits? More Like Net 'Uh Ohs'!

Alrighty then let's dive deeper shall we? Their net income took a nosedive faster than a seagull after a dropped French fry. A measly $384.2 million compared to last year's $772.4 million! That's like going from a luxury condo to sleeping in a cardboard box... with cockroaches! Net sales did manage a tiny 2% jump but that's like putting a Band Aid on a shark bite.

Same Store Sales? More Like Same Store...Sadness!

Bumblebee Tuna! For the FIFTH quarter in a row same store sales are down! Down I tell you! People are ditching the Frappuccinos for...cheaper coffee?! The horror! The horror! It seems even Finkle...I mean Einhorn...I mean the average Joe is pinching pennies. They're fleeing to places where the coffee doesn't cost more than a used car!

Back to Starbucks? More Like Back to the Drawing Board!

New CEO Brian Niccol (not to be confused with Nick Nolte although I do see a resemblance) is trying to pull a rabbit out of his hat with this 'Back to Starbucks' plan. Apparently the goal is to focus on get this COFFEE! And...customer experience! Groundbreaking stuff folks! It's like a detective focusing on...clues! Brilliant! But will it work? Only time will tell and time my friends is money... especially when you're buying overpriced coffee!

The Great Coffee Exodus: China and the U.S. Go Rogue!

Hold on to your hats folks! Even in the U.S. transactions are down 4% dragging down same store sales. And in China? Flat! As flat as a flittered flounder! It seems the coffee craze is cooling off faster than a penguin in Miami. 'But Ace,' you ask 'what does this all mean?' It means...trouble! Big trouble! The kind that requires a pet detective...and maybe a financial advisor.

A Turnaround Tale? We Shall See!

So Starbucks is trying to turn things around. They're testing they're learning they're seeing changes in their coffeehouses. But will it be enough? Will they be able to lure back the coffee loving masses with their caffeinated siren song? Only time will tell. But one thing's for sure: Ace Ventura will be watching...with a venti sized cup of curiosity!