Say My Name! China Cuts Off US Rare Earths Supply - Is This the End?!

A Chemical Equation Gone Wrong

So the news is out huh? China's playing hardball cutting off the U.S. from those fancy 'rare earth elements'. You know the stuff that makes our fighter jets fly and our submarines… well submerge. Apparently the geniuses in Washington didn't see this coming. Classic. It's like they never learned the first rule of my chemistry class: always control your variables. Now Uncle Sam's scrambling like Jesse after I told him to get the RV ready. Idiots.

Monopoly Bitch! The Global Game

This whole situation smells like a batch of meth gone wrong. China's got a monopoly and they're using it. CSIS – sounds like some kind of top secret government lab doesn’t it? – they're whining that the U.S. is 'particularly vulnerable.' Well duh! It's like being a one legged man in an ass kicking contest. You're at a disadvantage from the start. And Trump trying to make deals with Ukraine? Please. As if that's going to solve anything. It's like trying to cook up a batch with chili powder instead of pseudoephedrine. Just wrong.

The Element of Surprise... Not

The article says the U.S. can't fill the gap if China shuts down exports. No heavy rare earths separation happening here? What are we a bunch of toddlers playing with magnets? The Department of Defense wants a complete supply chain by 2027. Good luck with that geniuses. Even if they get those facilities running it won’t be enough. It’s like trying to compete with my blue sky product using a rusty old hotplate. Inconceivable.

Back Foot Blues: Heisenberg's Strategic Retreat

They say developing these capabilities requires a 'long term effort.' Long term? Please. I built an empire in what a year? Two tops? These guys are amateurs. The US is 'on the back foot for the foreseeable future'. Well they should've thought of that before they decided to pick a fight. It's called strategy people! Something these beltway buffoons clearly know nothing about. I'm in the empire business.

Military Readiness: A Bad Omen

The report warns about threats to U.S. military readiness. Already lagging behind? China acquiring weapons systems five to six times faster? Someone slap me. I'm surrounded by incompetence! 'Further bans will only widen the gap' they say. No shit Sherlock! It's like giving your enemy a head start in a race where the prize is global domination. These guys are lucky I'm retired and trying to fly under the radar.

Cooperation Bitch! Or Else...

Other countries are getting nervous too. Australia Brazil – everyone's scrambling. But get this: China's new licensing system might incentivize countries to 'cooperate' with them. In other words bend the knee. See now that's a power move. That’s what I call respect. Fear... Respect. A little bit of both. It's a dangerous game they're playing. But hey who am I to judge? I’ve made a career out of dangerous games.