Oil Crisis Intensifies, Potentially Leading to Energy Rationing

Worst Energy Crisis in History: Giggity

Alright alright settle down you Quahog heathens. Peter Griffin here reporting live from my basement – which by the way is starting to smell a bit like crude oil. Apparently this whole U.S. Iran war thing is causing a major kerfuffle in the oil department. According to this fancy pants IEA guy Fatih Birol we're talking about the "worst energy crisis in history." Worse than when I accidentally set the Quahog gas station on fire trying to make a s'more? Probably. He said and I quote "the next month April will be much worse than March" oh good lord.

April Showers Bring Oil Shortages: Freakin' Sweet

So the deal is because of this war fewer oil tankers are making it through the Strait of Hormuz. That's like the main road for oil kinda like Spooner Street is the main road for me getting to The Drunken Clam. And with less oil coming in April it's gonna hit us hard folks. Inflation economic slump and get this potentially energy rationing. I can already see myself fighting Lois for the last gallon of gasoline. Remember the time I tried to make my car run on beer? Didn't go well and speaking of soaring adventures it reminds of the time when Cloud Stocks Soar High Like the Going Merry on a Sunny Day.

Bigger Than '73 and '79 Combined: Holy Crap

This Birol fella is saying that this crisis is even bigger than the oil crises in the 70s. Apparently we're losing 12 million barrels of oil per day. That's like losing all the beer in Quahog every single day. It's gonna cause a global recession he says. Which means no more fancy dinners at The Fancy Restaurant and less money for my Griffin family expenses.

Strategic Reserves to the Rescue? What the Deuce

The IEA is thinking about dipping into its strategic oil reserves again. They already released a bunch but apparently it's not enough. Think of it like me trying to diet by only eating one family sized bucket of fried chicken instead of two. It might help a little but it's not gonna solve the problem. Birol says releasing reserves will only "reduce the pain," not "cure" the crisis. Well that's just great!

Jet Fuel and Diesel Woes: Shut Up Meg

Apparently the biggest problem is the lack of jet fuel and diesel. That's already hitting Asia and it's coming for Europe soon. Which means no more cheap flights to visit my German cousin. Also without diesel how are they gonna deliver my beer? This is a disaster of epic proportions.

IEA's Recommendations: Who Farted

So the IEA is suggesting some ways to deal with this mess. Like reducing speed limits working from home and using less gas ovens. That sounds like a real party doesn't it? I'm picturing myself driving at a snail's pace telecommuting in my underwear and eating cold leftovers. Thanks a lot IEA.