Luxury Defies Chaos: Richemont's Shiny Rebellion Against the Apocalypse

Clean Your Room... and Buy a Diamond

Well well well look at this. Richemont purveyor of shiny distractions for the comfortably numb has posted better than expected sales. It seems the impending doom – you know the kind that keeps responsible people awake at night – is merely a quaint rumour in the gilded halls where Cartier and Van Cleef & Arpels reside. Global macroeconomic uncertainty? Bah! Tell that to someone who can't afford a diamond the size of their anxieties. And that is a problem because someone has to bear the burden of the chaos. It seems the very wealthy are not pulling their weight.

Jewels of Order in a Chaotic World

Revenues are up a tidy 7% at constant exchange rates. The Jewellery Maisons division is leading the charge proving that when the world is on fire a bit of bling can be a comforting albeit superficial distraction. It’s as if they’re saying "Sure the climate is collapsing but have you seen this necklace? It’s *fabulous*." One must wonder if these shining objects are a desperate attempt to impose some semblance of order in a universe determined to dissolve into entropy. In a world gone mad a well placed gem can be a small victory.

Tick Tock: Time is Running Out (For Watch Sales)

However not all is sparkling. The specialist watchmakers segment featuring brands like Piaget and Roger Dubuis is lagging particularly in the Asia Pacific region. It appears even the wealthy have limits to their spending or perhaps they've simply realised that time like sanity is a finite resource. Or that Rolexes are hideous and they should be ashamed of wearing one. Perhaps they finally have understood that the true measure of a person is not their status but how much personal responsibility they take. I bet the watchmakers are going to have to clean their rooms. And fast.

The Dragon Snoozes: China's Luxury Slumber

And let's not ignore the elephant in the room or rather the dragon in the bedroom: China. Sales have declined by a hefty 23% in the Middle Kingdom. It seems even the most ardent capitalists need a breather now and again. Perhaps they're finally contemplating the abyss or maybe they just need to clean their apartments. Whatever the reason the Chinese market's slowdown should serve as a reminder that even the most insatiable appetites can be temporarily sated.

Japan's Yen for Luxury: A Tourist's Tale

On the other hand Japan is booming fueled by “strong domestic and tourist spend” and a weak Yen. Ah the sweet nectar of currency manipulation! It’s good to see someone is profiting from the chaos. It always comes down to tourists doesn't it? They are the ones who truly know that life is nasty brutish and short therefore we should make the best of it and enjoy a good shiny trinket while we are at it.

Agility Discipline and a Dash of Despair

Richemont's Chairman Johann Rupert speaks of “strong agility and discipline” in the face of ongoing global uncertainties. It's the kind of corporate speak that tries to convince us that all is under control while simultaneously acknowledging the existential dread that permeates modern existence. He's essentially saying "Keep calm and carry on buying luxury goods or we're all doomed!" Which brings us back to cleaning our rooms as it is a way to tackle responsibility. It is always something.