Chaos and Order! Are Your Emotions Raising Resilient Children?

The Lobsters of Emotion: A Hierarchy of Feelings

Alright bucko let's talk about feelings. Not the wishy washy postmodern 'everything is valid' kind of feelings but the real biologically driven hierarchy establishing kind. This article by one Dr. Juli Fraga hints at a truth we desperately need to reclaim: that emotional resilience in children stems from parents who've wrestled their own inner demons. As I always say you can't build a stable house on a foundation of sand. If you want your children to be emotionally robust you better start cleaning your room – metaphorically of course...though maybe literally too. A clean space after all is a clean mind. Don't underestimate the power of confronting the dragon within.

Naming the Beast: The Power of Articulation

Fraga suggests acknowledging and naming emotions. Now this isn't some touchy feely exercise in narcissistic self indulgence. It's about precise articulation! Like labeling the tools in your workshop you need to identify what you're dealing with. Is it anger? Is it anxiety? Is it the existential dread that comes from contemplating the abyss of modern life? Only by naming the beast can you hope to tame it. As the good book says 'In the beginning was the Word...' and that applies to your emotional life as well. I'd say take responsibility of your words and do not say anything that makes you feel weak.

Regulate or Be Regulated: The Tyranny of Feelings

Ah emotional regulation. The holy grail of modern existence. Fraga talks about the contagion of emotions. It's true. You are to a significant degree who you surround yourself with. And that applies doubly to your children. If you're a walking talking anxiety ridden mess don't be surprised when your kids start exhibiting the same tendencies. Hence the breathing exercises she recommends! But coherent breathing while a good starting point is just the beginning. You need to build systems. You need to develop habits. You need to confront the chaos and impose order. It is not easy.

Beyond Good and Evil: The Moral Ambiguity of Emotion

Fraga rightly points out that emotions aren't inherently good or bad. They're information. Data. The kind of data that tells you whether you're moving towards your goals or veering off course. To label them as 'good' or 'bad' is to misunderstand their fundamental purpose. Now this isn't to say that all emotions are created equal. Some are clearly more conducive to a well lived life than others. But even the 'negative' emotions have a role to play. Fear can save you from danger. Sadness can prompt necessary change. The key is to understand their signals and respond appropriately. You have to be disciplined!

The Ghosts of Parents Past: Haunting Our Present

This is where it gets tricky bucko. Fraga delves into the intergenerational transmission of emotional patterns. How our own parents dealt with our emotions profoundly shapes our emotional landscape. If you were raised in a household where feelings were dismissed or shamed you're likely to repeat those patterns with your own children. The solution? Self reflection. Ask yourself: How did my parents respond when I felt this way? What do I want to do differently? It's about confronting the ghosts of your parents' past and choosing a different path. And of course clean your room too.

Model the Way: The Power of Example

Ultimately as Fraga says kids learn by witnessing what we do not just what we say. You can preach emotional resilience until you're blue in the face but if you're not modeling it yourself your words will ring hollow. Be the person you want your children to become. Face your own demons. Strive for order amidst the chaos. And maybe just maybe you'll raise a generation of lobsters who are ready to climb the hierarchy with confidence and integrity. It is something to strive for.