Chipotle's Burrito Bust! Is Heisenberg to Blame for the Revenue Rut?

No Half Measures: Chipotle's Quarter Fails to Deliver

Well folks looks like even Chipotle can't cook up perfection every time. They're saying revenue's down like *actually* down for the first time since 2020. Apparently people are tightening their belts and Mother Nature's been a real *bitch*. "Adverse weather," they call it. I call it a convenient excuse. This is like Skyler blaming me for everything only with more guacamole.

The Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle: Applied to Burritos

CEO Scott Boatwright (yeah like I'm supposed to believe that's a real name) claims people are worried about the economy. No kidding Sherlock! You think they're lining up for organic cilantro when their jobs are on the line? Seems to me like everyone's in the empire business. They ought to know that sometimes the best things are hidden in plain sight like my blue sky.

Burrito Season Delayed? Sounds Like a Cooked Excuse

So burrito season is late? What is this amateur hour? Blaming it on Easter being late is like blaming Hank for not finding the RV sooner. It's just… weak! Though that limited time chipotle honey chicken did save the day slightly. "Yeah science!" said nobody because I am the danger.

Say My Name: Inflation and Tariff Troubles

Oh and tariffs! Don't even get me started. The White House is slapping duties on aluminum and imports screwing everyone over. Chipotle's CFO Adam Rymer this name is so fake says it'll add to their costs. I know a thing or two about cooking the books to hide from the tax man but that's just bad business. Half of their avocados come from outside Mexico. Seems like someone should have planned this a bit better.

Treading Lightly: A Return to Positive Territory?

Boatwright is spewing corporate garbage about returning to "positive transaction comps" in the second half of the year. Blah blah blah. I have confidence that I am the one who knocks! I also had a plan to get rich. I guess we will see how that turns out.

The Empire Business: Expanding Despite the Downturn

Despite all the doom and gloom they're still planning to open hundreds of new restaurants. Talk about optimism! Or maybe they know something we don't. Maybe they got that blue meth. Net income is up they said. I wonder how they are hiding the truth. They should know better I am the one who knocks!