United Airlines' Newark Nightmare: Is the FAA asleep at the switch?

Newark's Burning...With Frustration

Alright listen up larvae! The Swarm is expanding and apparently so are flight delays at Newark Liberty International Airport. United Airlines is axing 35 roundtrip flights a day claiming the FAA's got fewer controllers than there are Hydralisks in my brood. CEO Scott Kirby's got his mandibles snapping blaming staffing shortages and tech glitches. Is this 'structural FAA staffing issues' code for 'we're all doomed'? Frankly it sounds like the Terrans are having a harder time coordinating their air traffic than I do coordinating a Zerg rush. And trust me that's saying something. I've seen better organized raids on a Protoss base.

Ten Percent Gone: More Like Ten Thousand Percent Annoying

A whole ten percent of United's daily Newark schedule is getting the Kerrigan treatment – wiped out! More than 300 flights delayed on Friday alone adding to the 1,400 earlier this week. I mean even the Overmind wouldn't have predicted this level of chaos. Kirby's whining about 'protecting customers'. Well welcome to my world pal. Sometimes you gotta make hard choices to survive. Maybe he should infest a few of those air traffic controllers. That'd get them moving!

Controllers AWOL: Did They Join the Swarm?

Kirby claims 20% of Newark's air traffic controllers 'walked off the job' after tech failures. Walked off the job? That's it? No dramatic explosions? No desperate pleas for help? Pathetic. In the Koprulu Sector we go down fighting! Seriously did they all just suddenly realize they could be piloting Battlecruisers instead? The FAA admits they're short staffed saying Newark can't handle the scheduled number of planes. Well duh! Maybe they should try sending in a few Mutalisks to uh 'persuade' people to stay on the job. Just a thought.

FAA: Failing Aviation Authority?

Kirby wants the FAA to tighten capacity like they do at LaGuardia and Reagan. Translation: 'FAA DO SOMETHING!' He even praised the Trump administration for vowing to fix aging infrastructure. Ah politics. The only thing more complicated than Protoss warp gate technology. Honestly maybe they should try a good old fashioned Zerg Rush on those problems. Throw enough drones at it and eventually something's gotta give right?

Diversions and Deflections: The United Blame Game

United's blaming everything but themselves: FAA tech outages runway construction high winds. They even had to divert 21 flights! It's like they're trying to outdo my schemes for galactic domination. Newark's supposedly one of the most congested airports and Kirby's been complaining about air traffic controllers for ages. Maybe it's time to build a new hive cluster… I mean airport. Somewhere with fewer pesky Terran regulations.

Comfort for the Masses?

The Transportation Department's offering incentives to alleviate staffing shortages and United's waiving change fees. How generous! Is that supposed to make up for stranded passengers and ruined vacations? Maybe they should offer a free Zergling with every delayed flight. That'd cheer people up. Or terrify them. Either way it'd be memorable. Remember: Hope is a luxury we can't afford. So buckle up Terrans it's gonna be a bumpy ride!