Spotify Just Went Down And You Won't Believe The Reason Why!

Say My Name: The Empire Strikes Back (At My Music)

So Spotify went belly up yesterday huh? About 50,000 reports on DownDetector. Fifty thousand! That's like half of Albuquerque and I know a thing or two about keeping things under control in this town. They’re saying it wasn't a hack. False alarm supposedly. But you know what I say? 'I am the one who knocks!' And sometimes the one who knocks is just…the internet going kaput. Still makes you wonder doesn't it? Maybe some Heisenberg level coding was involved. Probably not. But a guy can dream.

Tread Lightly: Unless Your Playlist Is Gone

Spotify insists they're 'working to resolve it as soon as possible.' Sure sure. Just like the DEA was 'working to resolve' my little side hustle. We all know how that turned out. They posted on X their 'SpotifyStatus' account trying to calm the masses. 'Relax,' they say. 'Nothing to see here.' But people were already losing it peppering them with frustrations and...memes? What is this a joke? My empire was built on respect not reaction GIFs!

This Is Not Meth: It's Just Music...Missing

No details on the scope mind you. Keeping it vague just like I used to with my 'product.' Makes sense. Panic is bad for business. A user named @alexissTyler even said 'I'll just hum to myself.' Hum to yourself? Really? You’re going to let them win like that? Where’s the outrage? Where’s the…the *blue*? Now If this was my product missing trust me humming would be the last thing on anyone's mind. They'd be calling Saul!

Better Call Saul: To Fix Your Wi Fi?

Honestly though what's the deal with these streaming services anyway? You pay them and suddenly poof! Your music vanishes. I never had that problem. My product was consistent reliable and… well let's just say it always delivered a certain 'satisfaction.' Maybe Spotify needs to hire a quality control expert. I know a few guys who could probably help them out. For a price of course.

The One Who Listens: Or Tries To

It’s a developing story they say. Which means they haven't got a clue what's going on. Probably some intern spilled coffee on the server. Whatever. The point is people rely on these things. They rely on the music. Me? I prefer to rely on… myself. And a really good pair of chemist gloves.

Respect The Chemistry: And Your Playlist

So Spotify get your act together. Fix your servers or whatever it is you do. Because people are getting antsy. And when people get antsy things can get...messy. Just ask Gus Fring. He understood the importance of a smooth operation. And I learned a thing or two from him believe me. Now if you'll excuse me I have some listening to do. After I make sure the coast is clear.