Thiel's Founders Fund Drops a $4.6 Billion Bomb! Is This the End for IPOs?!

Show Me the Money! (And Then Hide It from the Public)

Alright listen up because Uncle Axe is about to drop some truth bombs. Thiel and his crew at Founders Fund just pulled off a heist – a *legal* one of course. $4.6 billion in their coffers. That’s a lot of goddamn lobster thermidor even for me. This Founders Fund Growth III is going to make some serious waves and by waves I mean tsunamis. They’ve got 270 investors lining up to hand over their cash. Amateurs. They should have come to me first. I could have squeezed them for an extra point or two.

RIP IPOs? Good Riddance!

The article says IPOs are virtually dormant. Good! Let the public fight over scraps while the big boys feast in private. Klarna StubHub and Chime delaying their plans? They're learning the hard way that patience is a virtue and sometimes a damn good investment strategy. Why go public and deal with the Suits when you can stay private and keep control? As I always say 'What’s the point of having fuck you money if you can’t say fuck you?' I’m pretty sure that applies here. Plus fewer IPOs means more opportunities for me. I can get in on the ground floor before the public even gets a whiff.

Trump's Tariffs? Just Another Day at the Office

Trump's tariff tango is just noise. I've seen more volatile situations in a poker game at my Hamptons compound. Sure it spooked the markets but savvy players like Thiel and myself? We see opportunities. While everyone else is panicking we're buying low biding our time. Remember fear is a currency and I'm always looking to cash in. This tariff crap? It's just a minor inconvenience. I've got people who handle this kind of thing while I focus on bigger juicier targets.

SpaceX Anduril and Thiel's Wet Dream

SpaceX Anduril...these are the kind of companies that make my blood pump. Innovation disruption and a healthy dose of 'screw the rules.' Thiel's been in these companies for awhile and the fact that Founders Fund can keep funding these private juggernauts is a major advantage. This late stage fund just solidifies their position. They have the firepower to support these companies through thick and thin. While the small fry are struggling Founders Fund can afford to play the long game. It’s like playing chess while everyone else is playing checkers.

Thiel vs. Trump: A Love Hate Story

Thiel and Trump... now there's a relationship for the history books. He supported him then didn’t then said he would vote for him with a gun to his head. These guys were once allies in some grand vision and now? They are barely speaking. I respect Thiel for sticking to his guns even if I disagree with him. He's a man of conviction and that's something you can't buy. Although with enough money you can certainly influence it.

My Takeaway? Load Up

Bottom line? Thiel knows what he's doing. He's playing a different game and he's winning. Founders Fund is sitting pretty with $4.6 billion ready to pounce on the next big thing. The IPO market is a mess Trump's tariffs are a headache and the public is panicking. But for those of us who know how to play the game this is where the real money is made. I'm not sure if I will partner up with Thiel on this or not I have my own plans and as always I play to win.