23andMe: From Bust to Trust (Me) - Wojcicki Wins Back Her Kingdom!

Axe's Take on Genetic Gambles

Alright listen up. Wojcicki's play here? Textbook. She stared into the abyss blinked and then bought the damn abyss. 23andMe belly up privacy breaches the whole nine yards. Most people would've walked. But Wojcicki? She doubled down. This is chess not checkers people. While those Regeneron guys were probably busy patting themselves on the back for thinking they got a deal Wojcicki was busy plotting her comeback. You gotta respect the hustle. Even if it's with a non profit because let's be honest everyone's got an angle.

Non Profit? More Like Non Sense!

TTAM Research Institute. Rolls right off the tongue doesn't it? Turns out it's just a fancy way of saying '23andMe but with a tax write off.' Smart? Absolutely. Obvious? Painfully. She's got the genome data the customer base (the hacked ones at least) and now she gets to play the 'philanthropy' card. Hell I might start a non profit to buy the Yankees. Call it 'Axe Capital's Baseball Dreams Foundation.' Think that'll fly? The point is Wojcicki knows how the game is played. And she's playing it better than most.

Privacy? Please. Show Me the Data!

Seven million customers hacked. Who cares? In this town data is the new oil. And Wojcicki just secured a fresh well. Sure there will be regulators breathing down her neck and cries of 'privacy violation' ringing in her ears. But let's be real: people will still spit in a tube and send it in. They want to know if they're descended from Vikings or if they have a predisposition to liking pineapple on pizza. And Wojcicki will be there to sell them the answer. You think privacy matters more than curiosity? You're living in a goddamn fantasyland.

Regeneron Got Woj ed!

Regeneron thought they had this in the bag huh? 256 million. Pocket change for them I'm sure. But Wojcicki came in with 305 million. A bid so aggressive it screams 'I'm taking back what's mine!' I almost feel bad for Regeneron. Almost. But in this game you either eat or get eaten. And Wojcicki? She's got a hell of an appetite. Guess they didn't see that coming or maybe they did not do their due diligence to see the shark under the water circling for the right moment to strike.

The Future of 23andMe: Axe's Prediction

So what's next for 23andMe? Wojcicki says she's 'thrilled' to continue the mission. I'm sure she is. Mission to make money. She will need to find new revenue models. Maybe she'll pivot to personalized medicine or partner with Big Pharma. Who knows? But one thing's for sure: she won't be sitting still. She'll be back in the game hustling grinding and making sure everyone knows she's still in charge. I might even buy some shares. After all as I always say 'What's the point of having fuck you money if you never say fuck you?'

Bankruptcy Court: The Final Boss Battle

Of course this deal still needs the rubber stamp from the bankruptcy court in Missouri. But let's be honest that's just a formality. Wojcicki's already won the war. The court will just be there to clean up the mess. I wouldn't be surprised if she sends them a nice bottle of Pappy Van Winkle as a thank you. And to Regeneron my advice? Lick your wounds learn from your mistakes and get ready for the next battle. Because in this game there's always another one coming.