Trump's TikTok Tango: Will the Deal Ever Close?

Another Day Another Extension...Sigh

Well folks it looks like we're doing the TikTok two step again. President Trump who let's be honest is probably more familiar with Twitter than TikTok has decided to give ByteDance another 90 days to figure out this whole divestiture thing. As Karoline Leavitt said the goal is to ensure Americans can continue using TikTok with 'assurance' about their data security. Assurance huh? Makes you wonder if they have seen the code!

It's Like Debugging Windows 95 All Over Again

ByteDance was staring down the barrel of a June 19th deadline but just like trying to debug Windows 95 Trump threw them a lifeline...again. This is the third time people! It's starting to feel like one of those infinite loop errors. I remember those days. 'Where do we want to go today?' Not in circles that's for sure! The Supreme Court upheld the national security law but even that wasn't enough to force the issue. This whole situation is more complex than the Windows registry. And that's saying something.

App Stores Caught in the Crossfire

Remember when Apple and Google briefly pulled TikTok from their app stores? Good times. For a day the internet was a slightly less choreographed place. Then Trump made an announcement and boom back it came. It's like the app store is playing ping pong with national security. My advice to them? Get a good lawyer and a better understanding of regulatory compliance. And maybe a stress ball shaped like a phone.

Who Wants to Buy a Piece of the TikTok Pie?

Now we've got a veritable who's who of potential buyers circling around TikTok's U.S. operations. Oracle AppLovin even Frank McCourt's Project Liberty. It's like a tech billionaire buffet. But let's be real the biggest hurdle is probably Beijing. Getting the Chinese government to sign off on this deal is like trying to convince Clippy to retire gracefully. Not gonna happen without a fight.

Will This Deal Ever Close? I'm Not Holding My Breath

So the big question: Will this deal ever actually close? Honestly I've seen fewer delays trying to get Windows Vista to run smoothly. With political agendas national security concerns and international relations all tangled up in this mess it's anyone's guess. But hey at least we have a few more months of questionable dance challenges to look forward to. And hey maybe I'll even learn how to use TikTok myself. Although I am a little busy trying to eradicate Polio.

Data Security: A Serious Business (and a Good Punchline)

Let's not forget what this is all about: data security. It's a serious matter. 'Information at your fingertips' is great but what happens when those fingertips belong to someone you don't trust? I hope this 90 day extension leads to real progress not just another delay. Otherwise we might as well be using carrier pigeons to transmit our cat videos.