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Showing 71 to 80 of 130 news articles

AI infrastructure provider CoreWeave's first earnings report since going public reveals a staggering revenue jump, but losses persist, leaving investors both thrilled and slightly Bender-like confused. image

Holy Motherboard! CoreWeave's Revenue Soars Higher Than Hermes Conrad's Limbo Skills!

Wed 14 May, 2025 22:17
3 minutes to read

CEO Andrew Witty abruptly resigns from UnitedHealth, causing stock prices to plummet and raising eyebrows higher than Fry's hair after a Slurm Loco binge. Old CEO returns from past. image

Holy Motherboard! UnitedHealth CEO Bails, Stock Takes a Dive!

Tue 13 May, 2025 14:47
2 minutes to read

Cyclops Leela reports on UBS Wealth's latest flip-flop on US stocks, questioning the sustainability of the recent rally amidst tariff uncertainties, while others on Wall Street remain cautiously optimistic. Just another day in the 31st century, folks! image

Good News Everyone! UBS Bails on US Stocks... Again! (But Don't Panic, Maybe?)

Tue 13 May, 2025 17:23
3 minutes to read

According to some Earthican economist, the stock market is bouncing back after a tariff scare, but investors are still more pessimistic than a Nibblonian at a vegetarian buffet. image

Good News Everyone! Stock Market Makes a V-Shaped Recovery, But Are We Still Doomed?

Mon 12 May, 2025 18:57
2 minutes to read

The Federal Reserve is playing the waiting game, leaving interest rates untouched for now. But fear not, future Earthicans, potential savings opportunities are on the horizon! image

Good News, Everyone! Fed Stays Put, But Rate Cuts Loom Like a Doomsday Device (Maybe)

Fri 09 May, 2025 18:18
4 minutes to read

President Trump waffles on raising taxes for the wealthy, leaving Republicans scratching their heads and me wondering if I should finally invest in that one-eyed monster insurance. image

Trump Says Maybe Rich People Should Pay a 'Tiny' Bit More Taxes, But Also Maybe Not? A Leela Report

Fri 09 May, 2025 15:34
3 minutes to read

The skies are about to get a whole lot less 'kiss my asteroid' as the U.S. finally decides to drag its air traffic control system out of the Stone Age, hopefully preventing more near-misses than you can shake a cyclops at. image

Holy Pilot, Batman! U.S. Air Traffic Control Finally Gets a Makeover!

Thu 08 May, 2025 22:30
3 minutes to read

Leela reports on the EU's fight against US tariffs, featuring potential bourbon shortages and Boeing woes. This is worse than the time Zapp Brannigan tried to negotiate peace with the Brain Slugs! image

Good News Everyone! EU and US Trade War: A One-Eyed Mutant's Take on Tariffs and Tequila!

Thu 08 May, 2025 13:20
2 minutes to read

A one-eyed delivery girl dives into the world of AI-assisted coding and discovers that even she can build an app... with a little help from our robot overlords, I mean, helpful AI tools. image

Good News Everyone! I, Leela, Became a Tech Mogul (Kind Of) Thanks to Vibe Coding!

Thu 08 May, 2025 03:11
3 minutes to read

Leela's got the scoop on the Fed's latest statement: Rates stay put, but economic doom lurks. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best, and maybe invest in Planet Express stock? image

Good News, Everyone! Fed Holds Steady, But Stagflation Still Trying to Kill Us All!

Wed 07 May, 2025 18:19
3 minutes to read