HALO Master Chief - NewsRetold Latest News

Light
Dark

Showing 91 to 100 of 137 news articles

Anthropic's Claude AI now automates business tasks across platforms, raising questions about who really needs a coffee break. image

Wake Me When Claude Finishes My Taxes: AI Takes Over the Office

Thu 01 May, 2025 16:03
2 minutes to read

Eli Lilly's weight loss and diabetes drugs are selling like hotcakes, but a cancer treatment deal has led to lowered profit expectations. Could tariffs be the cure, or will they just add to the plasma? image

Lilly Lowers the Boom: Weight Loss Drugs Soar, Profit Forecasts Take a Dive

Thu 01 May, 2025 12:04
3 minutes to read

Eli Lilly's Q1 earnings beat expectations thanks to blockbuster drugs, but a cancer treatment deal and Trump's tariffs threaten future profits. Time to buckle up, Spartans. image

Lilly's Profit Forecast Takes a Dive, But Weight-Loss Drugs Save the Day (Again!)

Thu 01 May, 2025 12:04
2 minutes to read

Energy stocks are tanking, hinting at a potential economic slowdown worse than a Covenant invasion. image

Energy Sector Plummets: Is the Economy Saying "Wake Me When You Need Me"?

Wed 30 April, 2025 20:09
2 minutes to read

Master Chief reports on Microsoft's latest earnings, tariff troubles, and AI ambitions. Cortana, analyze! image

Microsoft's Fiscal Forecast: Need a Weapon?

Wed 30 April, 2025 16:00
2 minutes to read

The German auto giant's first-quarter profits take a hit, facing tariff troubles and a volatile market, but hey, at least Western Europe's ordering cars like they're going out of style. image

Wort Wort Woe: Volkswagen's Profit Plummets Faster Than a Banshee in Freefall!

Wed 30 April, 2025 06:04
3 minutes to read

President Trump's second term hits the 100-day mark, marked by heavy use of executive orders, trade tariffs, and downsizing the federal government. Is this the golden age, or did we just activate Halo? image

Trump's First 100 Days: More Executive Orders Than a Spartan Has Plasma Grenades!

Tue 29 April, 2025 21:51
2 minutes to read

The White House is easing automotive tariffs, and even I, the Master Chief, find myself pondering the economic battlefield. Buckle up, Marines, for a wild ride through the twists and turns of trade! image

Trump Taps the Brakes on Auto Tariffs: Master Chief Investigates!

Tue 29 April, 2025 13:45
3 minutes to read

Facing profit drops and industry turbulence, Volvo Cars announces a massive cost-cutting plan. Is this their last stand, or will they adapt and overcome? image

Volvo Down! Chief Investigates Billion-Krona Cost-Cutting Maneuver

Tue 29 April, 2025 06:25
2 minutes to read

The Washington Commanders are relocating back to the RFK Stadium site in D.C., promising a $3.7 billion project that could either save humanity or just provide better parking. image

Commanders Return to RFK: Is This Earth's Defense Against the Covenant?

Mon 28 April, 2025 18:21
3 minutes to read