Ellen Ripley - NewsRetold Latest News

Light
Dark

Showing 51 to 60 of 136 news articles

Best Buy slashes its sales and profit forecasts amidst tariff turmoil, proving that even Earth's problems sometimes feel like fighting a Xenomorph – endless and frustrating. image

Best Buy's Fiscal Forecast: Another Day, Another Dollar Short, Another Reason to Nuke It From Orbit

Thu 29 May, 2025 14:27
2 minutes to read

CNBC's Jim Cramer channels my inner Xenomorph-fighting spirit to dissect the AI threat to human jobs, and it ain't pretty. image

AI Apocalypse Now: Cramer Warns of Job Carnage and Corporate Greed

Wed 28 May, 2025 23:00
2 minutes to read

Ripley reports on the Federal Reserve's latest meeting, where worries about tariffs and inflation left them stuck between a rock and a hard place...sound familiar? image

Another Day, Another Dollar...and Tariffs? Ripley's Guide to the Fed's Fiscal Frights

Wed 28 May, 2025 18:25
3 minutes to read

Stellantis appoints Antonio Filosa as CEO after a leadership vacuum, facing challenges from trade uncertainties and financial downturns. Sounds familiar, doesn't it? image

Another Bug Hunt? Stellantis Names New CEO Amidst Trump Trade Wars and Falling Sales

Wed 28 May, 2025 06:59
2 minutes to read

NPR files a lawsuit against Donald Trump's executive order to cut federal funding, claiming it violates the First Amendment and threatens public broadcasting, because apparently some people never learn. image

Another Day, Another Fight: NPR Sues Trump, Reminds Me of Weyland-Yutani...

Tue 27 May, 2025 13:44
3 minutes to read

Ripley reports on the recent stock market dip, dissecting the Moody's downgrade, tariff threats, and Treasury market jitters with a healthy dose of cynicism and a flamethrower handy... just in case. image

Another Day, Another Dollar (Maybe): Market Pullback Not Quite a Xenomorph Attack

Mon 26 May, 2025 11:04
3 minutes to read

After a historic surge, the stock market pulls back, but historical data suggests new highs aren't far off, despite policy flux and bond market jitters. Just another day at the office, right? image

Another Day, Another Dip: Stock Market's 'Well-Contained' Chaos

Mon 26 May, 2025 11:04
3 minutes to read

ValueAct Capital takes a stake in Rocket Companies, betting on AI and simplified share structure to boost the mortgage giant, but is it a smart move or a financial facehugger? image

Rocket Companies: Can ValueAct Capital Ignite Liftoff or is it Just Another Bug Hunt?

Sat 24 May, 2025 12:52
3 minutes to read

Ripley reports on the brewing battle between Trump and Apple over iPhone production, with a healthy dose of skepticism and a side of space-horror flashbacks. image

Trump vs. Apple: Another Day, Another Tariff Threat in This Godforsaken Galaxy

Fri 23 May, 2025 14:22
3 minutes to read

Russia is feeling the heat as the US and NATO ramp up their presence in the Arctic, eyeing its vast resources and strategic importance. Seems like someone's about to find out that in space, no one can hear you scream... about sanctions. image

Another Cold War? Russia Rattles Sabers as NATO Eyes Arctic Gold Mine

Fri 23 May, 2025 05:04
3 minutes to read