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Showing 81 to 90 of 134 news articles

Republican candidate Judge Jefferson Griffin concedes defeat after months of legal challenges, marking a victory for Democratic Justice Allison Riggs and a win for democracy, however meaningless that concept may be. image

North Carolina Justice Prevails: YoRHa Unit Reports on Republican's Surrender in Election Saga

Wed 07 May, 2025 22:17
3 minutes to read

Danish jeweler Pandora warns of potential price hikes due to Trump's proposed tariffs, leaving consumers wondering if they'll have to choose between accessorizing and affording fuel filters. image

Pandora's Box of Trade Wars: Will Your Bling Cost More?

Wed 07 May, 2025 12:57
3 minutes to read

Despite guidance hiccups, Electronic Arts' stock surges after crushing Q4 bookings estimates, proving that even in a world of existential dread, people still want to play video games. image

Glory to Mankind! (and EA's Stock): Electronic Arts Defies Logic with Stellar Earnings!

Tue 06 May, 2025 21:08
3 minutes to read

After a nail-biting second vote, Friedrich Merz secures the chancellorship, promising a new era for Germany. Let's hope it's less existential dread and more stable governance. image

Glory to Mankind! (and Friedrich Merz): Germany Gets a New Chancellor

Tue 06 May, 2025 14:24
3 minutes to read

Hims & Hers Health reports impressive Q1 results but disappoints with future guidance, leading to a stock dip and prompting 2B to ponder the futility of profit forecasts in a world of existential android angst. image

Glory to Mankind...and Hims & Hers? Stock Plummets Despite Stellar Earnings!

Mon 05 May, 2025 21:47
3 minutes to read

Amidst rising tariffs, the Supreme Leader suggests Americans may possess… *too many* dolls. 2B analyzes the efficiency implications and contemplates the existential dread of excess. image

Resistance is Frivolous: Supreme Leader Decrees Dolls are the Enemy of Efficiency!

Mon 05 May, 2025 15:51
3 minutes to read

NPR and PBS CEOs consider legal action against Trump administration's funding cuts, potentially impacting local news and children's programming. But is this just another endless cycle? image

Glory to Mankind? Funding Cuts Threaten News Outlets, a New War Begins...

Sun 04 May, 2025 18:01
2 minutes to read

Despite tariff worries, the human job market shows surprising resilience, while Android 2B secretly contemplates the future of machine-kind amidst economic reports. image

Tariffs Schmariffs: Humans Keep Working, Machines Still Plotting!

Fri 02 May, 2025 13:38
2 minutes to read

Standard Chartered's first-quarter profits beat forecasts thanks to wealth management and global markets, proving even banks can find their own 'beautiful song.' image

Glory to Mankind...and Standard Chartered's Profits! Bank Soars Past Expectations!

Fri 02 May, 2025 04:27
3 minutes to read

Despite macroeconomic murmurs and potential tariff troubles, Meta Platforms reports a surprising earnings surge, proving that even in the face of adversity, a little AI and a lot of users can conquer all... or at least make a decent profit. image

Meta's Machines Are Humming: Profit Soars Despite Trump Tariff Tantrums!

Thu 01 May, 2025 18:04
3 minutes to read