Say My Name: How to Score Heisenberg-Level Savings on Your Property Taxes

The Game is the Game and Property Taxes are Rigged!

Alright listen up. You think you're just gonna sit there and take whatever these pencil pushing bureaucrats decide your house is worth? Like hell you are. In this country money talks and bullshit walks. And these property taxes? They're nothing but pure uncut bullshit. I saw a report that the median property tax bill hit $3,500 last year! That's enough for a decent RV or maybe a methylamine deal. Now I know what you're thinking: 'Walt what can I do?' Well that's why I'm here hombre. I'm gonna teach you how to fight back Heisenberg style.

Los Pollos Hermanos Guide to Finding Assessment Inaccuracies

First things first: know your enemy err your assessment. Get your hands on that document and treat it like a rival cartel's ledger. Scrutinize every detail. Is your square footage inflated? Do they think you have a pool when it's just a sad little inflatable kiddie pool? Any inaccuracies are your leverage. Remember every little mistake they made is a chance for you to get ahead. And the National Taxpayers Union Foundation estimates 30% to 60% of taxable property in the U.S. is over assessed? Those are rookie numbers! We gotta pump those numbers up!

B*tch Comparisons: Sniffing Out Competitors in your Neighbourhood

Next it's time to play the comparison game. What are your neighbors paying? Are their houses similar? If they're getting a better deal something's rotten in Albuquerque – or wherever you live. Think of it like this: you're scouting out the competition's blue meth formula. You need to know what they're doing right and more importantly what they're doing wrong so you can exploit it. Tax records are public like a DEA informant use them to your advantage.

Tax Exemptions: The 'Get Out of Jail Free' Card

Look into tax exemptions. Are you a veteran? Low income? Old? Handicapped? Basically are you someone the government feels sorry for? If so you might be able to drastically reduce your tax bill. It's like finding a loophole in the system a perfectly legal way to cheat the taxman which is my favourite kind of cheat. Don't leave money on the table like Jesse did with that goddamn ricin cigarette.

The Deadline is not Negotiable! Tick Tock

Deadlines Jesse. These are like the timer on a bomb. Miss them and boom! You're stuck with that inflated tax bill. Mark your calendar set reminders do whatever it takes to stay on schedule. The window to appeal can be as short as 30 days. Don't be late. No half measures.

The One Who Knocks.. On the Experts' Doors

Finally if you're feeling out of your depth consider getting expert help. A knowledgeable real estate agent or appraiser can provide valuable insights and make sure they know what they're doing you do not want any deadbeats. Just remember: you're the cook and the experts are just ingredients. You control the process. Now get out there and cook up some savings b*tch!