Stay Out of Tehran! Trump Ditches G7, Says He Has Much Bigger Fish to Fry Than Ceasefires

Say My Name: The G7 Dissolves into Chaos

So they tell me Trump that blowhard decided to skip out early from the G7. Says he’s got “much bigger” things to deal with than some squabble between Tel Aviv and Tehran. Bigger than *me* building an empire? Doubtful. But hey who am I to judge another man's ambition? Though let's be honest I've seen bigger crises at Los Pollos Hermanos on a Tuesday. Apparently he even told those Iranians to 'immediately evacuate Tehran.' Sounds a bit… drastic doesn’t it? Like someone's trying to cook up something a little more potent than blue meth. They should have signed that deal Trump said. He is the one who knocks after all.

A Joint Statement? More Like a Joint Headache.

The G7 bigwigs those geniuses released a joint statement flapping their gums about supporting Israel and wagging their fingers at Iran. Typical. Like a bunch of overpaid teachers scolding a couple of kids fighting in the playground. They keep harping on about Iran not having nukes. It's almost cute how naive they are. It’s like they think problems disappear if you just say the right words like casting some half baked spell. Just because you put it in a statement doesn't make it so fellas. I know something about that with all the statements Jesse signed. At least the G7 acknowledged the 'Iranian crisis' and the need for a ceasefire in Gaza. Maybe they're not completely useless. Though I wouldn't trust them to cook a batch of chili let alone handle international diplomacy.

Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle: Macron's Miscalculations

Now Macron is running his mouth about Trump offering a ceasefire. Mr. President says Macron has 'no idea' why he's heading back to Washington. 'Much bigger than that,' he said. Of course it is. Who knows what that egomaniac is planning now. Probably something involving tariffs and Twitter rants. Maybe he needs to start cooking up something stronger; the man's clearly lost the plot and forgotten who’s in charge. It is acceptable.

Trade Winds and Tempestuous Tariffs

Speaking of tariffs seems like Trump's been slapping everyone with those things since he strolled into office. A real economic Heisenberg stirring the pot. But then he gives them a 90 day reprieve. A magnanimous gesture or just a calculated move to keep everyone on edge? Who knows. Probably both. At least the UK managed to nail down a trade deal. Good for them. More power to them if they can handle what comes next.

Russia's Return: A G8 Reunion?

And then there's Russia. Apparently Trump thinks kicking them out of the G8 was a 'big mistake.' Says Putin wouldn't have invaded Ukraine if they were still invited to the party. Interesting theory. Of course that’s coming from a guy who probably thinks foreign policy is just another reality TV show. I can tell you one thing if I were running things I'd find a way to make sure my interests were taken care of one way or another. Skyler wouldn't have none of that though with the endless nagging. No one believes you're really sorry.

The Empire Business

All this political garbage. All that talking and posturing... it's all just business a way to create a distraction. But I know how things really work: Money. Power. Respect. That's the real currency. And when you're in my world you make the rules. Now if you’ll excuse me I have an empire to run. And unlike these G7 clowns I actually know how to cook. Just… stay out of my territory.