Kristi Noem's Purse Got Snatched And You Won't Believe What Was Inside!

A 'Quantico' Style Crime Scene?

Okay so imagine this: Kristi Noem the Homeland Security Secretary chilling in D.C. probably thinking about you know keeping America safe and secure. But plot twist! While she's enjoying a meal someone decides her purse looks like a better fit for *their* security. Talk about a real life 'Quantico' episode! I mean seriously you can't even enjoy a quiet dinner these days can you? Maybe she needs some serious 'Quantico' level training what do you think?

3000 Dollars Gone With The Wind!

Now here’s where it gets a little extra. Apparently this wasn't just any old purse; it was carrying around $3,000 in cash! Three. Thousand. Dollars! Apparently she had withdrawn the money to treat her family to dinner and Easter gifts and activities. That's like a down payment on a Birkin bag gone missing! I hope she at least got some amazing selfies before the whole 'snatch and grab' went down. Talk about a plot twist!

Passport Makeup and… Blank Checks? Oh My!

But wait there's more! This magical Mary Poppins bag also contained her passport makeup (priorities people!) blank checks (yikes!) driver's license keys and medication. I mean talk about a whole identity crisis waiting to happen for whoever grabbed it! Imagine trying to get through airport security with *her* passport and *your* face. It's giving me serious anxiety just thinking about it. I need a moment. And maybe a mimosa.

Enter the Masked Marauder!

According to reports security footage shows our 'star' – an unidentified white male in a medical mask – making off with the loot. A medical mask really? I feel like this guy has watched too many heist movies. I guess even criminals are being health conscious these days. Maybe he was just trying to avoid getting caught on camera... or maybe he has allergies. You never know! Either way points for commitment to the bit.

Secret Service on the Case!

So the Secret Service is involved which means this is now officially a big deal. Apparently they're gathering information – probably scrolling through hours of security footage looking for a glimpse of the masked marauder's getaway. I bet they’re wishing they could just call in the 'Quantico' squad to solve this thing. Maybe I should offer my services? I’m sure I could crack the case in like an episode or two. Just saying.

Not Resolved Yet... But Stay Tuned!

As of now the case is still open. I'm sure they'll catch the culprit soon enough. Until then let this be a lesson: always keep your purse close ladies (and gentlemen!). And maybe invest in a decoy bag filled with I don't know old receipts and expired coupons. You know just in case. Because as I always say “I think the thing that’s so amazing about women is that we can be so many things.” Just maybe not victims of purse snatching! ??