UnitedHealth Demands Instant Repayment From Doctors After Cyberattack! Are They Serious?

Oops They Did It Again! A Cyberattack of the Heart (and Wallets!)

Namaste lovelies! It's your girl PC here to spill some chai...err I mean tea! So UnitedHealth Group. Remember that name because they’re back in the news and darling it's not for winning any humanitarian awards. Last year their Change Healthcare unit got hit with a cyberattack that compromised data from like a zillion Americans. Okay maybe just 190 million. But still that’s practically everyone I know in LA! And the fallout? Let's just say it was messier than my closet after a whirlwind trip around the globe. Remember "If you are working really hard and you’re not having fun you’re doing something wrong."

From 'Helpful Lender' to 'Loan Shark' Real Quick!

To their credit (pun intended!) UnitedHealth offered temporary no interest loans to help struggling medical practices stay afloat. Aww how generous! But hold on folks because plot twist! Now just over a year later they're demanding everyone *immediately* repay those loans. I mean talk about a turnaround! It's like going from Miss World to well someone who's chasing after pageant winners for cash. The audacity! "I always believed that you don't have to be tough when you have strength and that is basically the mantra of my life."

Repay in Five Days?! Are They Joking?

We're talking about doctors being asked to cough up *hundreds of thousands* of dollars in a matter of days. Days! I barely have that much spare change in my Birkin! And Optum UnitedHealth's scary sounding financial arm is threatening to withhold future payments if they don't get their money. Shakedown anyone? Dr. Christine Meyer bless her heart said repaying $750,000 in five days "is obviously not going to happen." I feel you sister! Even I need more time to plan a red carpet outfit!

Witty's Words vs. Reality: A Bollywood Plot Twist

During a Senate hearing UnitedHealth CEO Andrew Witty promised doctors wouldn't have to repay the loans until their cash flow was "normalized." He even said Dr. Meyer would get to decide when that was! Well guess what? Surprise! Turns out that was just another dramatic monologue for the cameras! Dr. Meyer received a notice demanding immediate repayment. It’s like a Bollywood movie where the hero promises to save the day then disappears in a puff of smoke. "I taught myself confidence. When I walk into a room I walk in knowing that I’m worthy of being in that room."

Doctors Losing Millions! UnitedHealth's 'Cost Cutting' or 'Careless Actions?'

Dr. Meyer claims her practice lost over $1 million due to the cyberattack. $1 million! That's enough to buy like three tiny apartments in Manhattan! She even received an incorrect repayment notice with the wrong amount due which just adds insult to injury. I mean come on UnitedHealth! Get your act together! It's like they're auditioning for a sequel to 'Dumb and Dumber.' "I feel like I want to kick people sometimes. But you have to be professional."

The Fight Back Begins: Doctors Plot Their Revenge (or at Least Their Finances)

So what are these doctors doing? Dr. Meyer is planning to leave the bare minimum in her account so UnitedHealth can't snatch it. It’s like a real life financial heist but instead of diamonds it's Medicare payments! Dr. Parikh calls the whole experience "very frustrating." You know it's bad when even the doctors are saying "Ugh this is worse than trying to get a decent cup of chai in Hollywood!" Stay tuned folks because this drama is just getting started!"I just want to be able to do what I want. I want to be able to create. I want to be able to inspire."