Stay Out of My Territory: Heisenberg's Take on Today's Market Mayhem

Hasbro's High: More Than Just Toys Apparently

Well well well... look who decided to cook up a little something special. Hasbro huh? Up 16.3%. Seems they're doing better than just peddling plastic ponies. Maybe they've found a new 'product' line. A man provides even if it's just nostalgia. They beat expectations like I beat... well let's just say they came out on top. They say they ain't changing guidance though. Smart move. Uncertainty is a dish best served... cautiously. Half measures gentlemen half measures.

Fiserv Flounders: Revenue? More Like Ir revenue

Fiserv down 17%. Adjusted revenue missed. Adjusted! What a joke. Trying to polish a turd are they? They're clearly not in the empire business. When you're in my line of work missing expectations isn't an option. It's a science. And these guys? Clearly they're still using beakers from the Stone Age. No one is going to believe you Mr. White.

Comcast Cuts: Cable's Dying Breed

Comcast shedding customers like… well like a certain someone shedding hair after a certain diagnosis. Down 4%. Broadband and cable TV losses. It's over Comcast. Accept it. People are cutting the cord and your dinosaur business model is going the way of the dodo. Adapt or die that's my motto. Or you know face consequences. Tread lightly.

Freeport's Fortune: Mining Gold Dodging Tariffs

Freeport McMoRan… Now that’s a name. Up 6.6%. Mining company making a profit. Good for them. They're worried about tariffs though. Like Skyler worrying about the car wash. A necessary evil I suppose. Every empire has its cost. But hey at least they're making money. Unlike some people I know.

Texas Instruments' Triumph: Cooking Up Chips and Cash

Texas Instruments popping 7.1%. Better than expected earnings. They're doing something right. Maybe they’ve found a new formula. Or perhaps they understood the elements. If you understand basic chemistry… you understand profit and loss. Clearly these guys are cooking. The crystal kind. The financial kind of course.

P&G Plummets: Tariffs Take a Toll on Tide and... Everything Else

P&G down 4.4%. Revenue loss cut guidance. Tariffs biting them in the backside just like they bite everyone in the backsides. Even the biggest empires crumble given the right catalyst. Seems like Mr. Clean needs to clean up his act. They're raising prices apparently. Good luck with that. People don't like to pay extra especially for cleaning supplies. They should have called me in I could have 'cleaned' up their books.