Apple Avoids the Gale of Trump's Tariffs, But is it Really a Win?!

Tread Lightly: Another Close Shave For Apple?

So the great tangerine in chief Trump he's done Apple a solid huh? Exempting smartphones and computers from those tariffs he was threatening to slap on everything coming out of China. Shares jumped analysts are doing their little happy dance. But let's be real like I always am this is just a temporary reprieve right? Like when I thought I'd kicked cancer's ass. It's always lurking waiting to screw you over. And Apple they're not out of the woods yet. Just ask Jesse; things can go south real quick! I'm Walter White by the way.

Breaking Bad News for Apple's Bottom Line?

Wall Street's all aflutter patting Apple on the back but some are still whispering about growth concerns. 'A weaker macroeconomic environment,' they say. Sounds like a fancy way of saying 'people are broke and can't afford the latest iShiny thing'. This JPMorgan guy Samik Chatterjee cuts the price target even with the tariff relief. He says there's still 'downside to earnings expectations.' Downside? That's my specialty. Just ask the Salamanca twins. *chuckles*

The Price is Right? More Like the Price is a Gamble!

Goldman Sachs is feeling a little more optimistic raising their price target. They're all about the 'Apple ecosystem' and 'revenue durability'. Sounds like they're drinking the Kool Aid. But even they can't deny that Apple's growth is slowing. It's like trying to cook meth in a rusty RV – you can get it done but it ain't gonna be pretty. I wonder if they used my Blue Sky formula to come up with these numbers? Probably not… they wouldn't know quality if it slapped them in the face.

Citi's Shady Forecast: It's All Bad!

Citi's Atif Malik is playing both sides lowering the price target while still saying the stock is a 'buy'. Classic Wall Street double talk. He's worried about the 'weak macro' too like everyone else. 'Apple products are not immune,' he says. No one is immune buddy. Not to economic downturns not to cancer and definitely not to Walter White. Sometimes I do wonder if these analysts know anything at all just like I used to feel when I was working with these block heads like Gretchen and Elliot.

Needham's Blind Faith and Zero Expectations

Then there's Needham's Laura Martin calling the tariff exception 'good news'. Sure it's 'good' in the same way that finding a dime in your pocket when you're broke is 'good'. It's not gonna change your life. She's worried about 'tariff uncertainty' and 'FX instability'. These guys seem to be saying the same things but from different perspectives just like I was trying to communicate with Gus about my product which was the best like no one ever made.

Evercore's High Hopes for Apple's Empire!

Evercore ISI's Amit Daryanani now he's a true believer. 'Major relief' he calls it! Forecasts a 38.8% upside. Someone's been hitting the Heisenberg blue! Okay I might have exaggerated but still… Look even if Apple dodged this tariff bullet there are more problems on the horizon. Economic downturns competition the ever shifting sands of consumer taste. This is just the business you can either keep up or be another statistic in the graveyard. Just remember my name. And for those of you who haven't seen me you're welcome because I am the danger!