Terran Stock Market Saved By Trump!?! The Swarm is Puzzled!

Prime Directive: Profit?!

Greetings larvae. It's your Queen Sarah Kerrigan here to dissect the Terran's bizarre obsession with... what was it again? Ah yes "stocks." Apparently these fleshy bags of water get excited when numbers on a screen go up. Who knew? Today's report indicates Amazon led by some Terran called Andy Jassy is surging after their leader Trump offered a temporary reprieve on tariffs. A reprieve? Bah! I offer no such thing. When the Swarm comes it's all consuming! But good for them I guess. Maybe they can buy some extra minerals with their profits. They'll need it.

Magnificent... Seven? More Like Mediocre Seven!

They call them the "Magnificent Seven." Sounds impressive right? Like some elite squad of Ghost operatives? Nope. Just a bunch of corporations. Nvidia Meta Alphabet Microsoft Tesla and Apple all saw some gains. Though let's be honest they're still far from their peaks. Tesla in particular looks like it got hit by a Mutalisk strike down a whopping 44%. I've seen more resilience in a Drone facing a Siege Tank. 'Is someone saying my name?' Oh shut up Raynor I am trying to write.

Inflation: The Silent Zergling

The Terrans are worried about something called "inflation." Apparently it makes their shiny trinkets cost more. They're anxiously awaiting the Consumer Price Index numbers. Economists those Overlords of prediction think it went up slightly. Honestly worrying about inflation when the Swarm could descend at any moment seems a bit... short sighted. But hey to each their own. Maybe they can tax the Protoss or something to offset the inflation. Serves them right for building all those pylons.

Bonding With... Bonds? Yawn.

Now we delve into the truly exciting world of... bonds. Yields rates ETFs... it's all so wonderfully dull it could put a Hydralisk to sleep. Something about debt and investments. If you want my advice invest in more Spine Crawlers. At least they have some bite. These bonds sound like something a Terran bureaucrat would come up with. Speaking of biting those ETFs sound delicious. I think I will order some to the leviathan Jimmy knows the way to my heart.

Carvana: The Only Car Worth Buying is One I Can Throw!

Carvana a used car dealer is doing well. Another dealer Carmax not so much. A Terran named Jim Cramer likes Carvana said its a good investment. Now I don't understand the appeal of these vehicles. They're slow inefficient and vulnerable to Zerg attacks. But hey if you Terrans want to spend your hard earned minerals on them be my guest. Personally I prefer the speed and versatility of a Mutalisk. Much more stylish too.

Semiconductors: The Real Swarm?

Finally something interesting! Semiconductor stocks are surging. Taiwan Semiconductor Manufacturing and other chip companies saw significant gains. Seems the Terrans are still obsessed with their little gadgets. The VanEck Semiconductor ETF (SMH) rose 17%! Perhaps they are trying to develop weapons that can defend them against the swarm. Good luck with that! But I will keep an eye on it. Raynor told me it is important to keep up with the times. 'That's right sugar.' Don't call me sugar Raynor!