Netflix and Burgers to Survive the Apocalypse?! Top Stocks to Buy Now!

The Swarm Is... Concerned?

Alright maggots! Kerrigan here. You think a little economic uncertainty scares me? I've faced the Zerg rush Mengsk's betrayal and the fashion choices of Terran marines. But even I can admit this market volatility is starting to resemble a poorly coordinated Zergling attack – chaotic and unpredictable. Jefferies those eggheads are suggesting we all huddle around stocks that won't get squashed by these economic tremors. Let's see if their wisdom is worth more than a pile of minerals.

Netflix and Chill... While the World Burns?

First up Netflix. Apparently if the world goes to hell in a handbasket we'll all be binge watching reruns of 'Terran Idol'. Jefferies claims and I quote "NFLX remains primarily a subscription business which should not be affected by tariffs." Oh good because I was really worried about missing the next season of 'Kerrigan's Kitchen Nightmares'. Their price target? A measly $1,200. Is that all they think my time is worth? Pathetic. Still a 30% rise? 'Worth exploring,' as Zagara would say.

Supersize My Apocalypse Please!

McDonald's? Seriously? Are we reverting to primal Zerg instincts craving only the simplest forms of sustenance? Jefferies is touting MCD as a "top defensive pick" because... burgers are cheap? Look I appreciate a good McFlurry as much as the next Queen of Blades after a long day of planetary conquest but this feels like a stretch. Apparently they think McDonald's is immune because they're masters of "low price point/bundle value offerings." So we'll be fighting over the last Big Mac while the world crumbles? Sounds about right. 14% gain? Acceptable.

Gambling on Global Chaos: Kerrigan Approves

CME Group the options exchange is apparently the place to be if you want to make a killing off everyone else's misery. "CME is a volatility tool for assets impacted by tariffs," they say. Basically if the world is spiraling into a trade war induced frenzy CME is there to profit from the chaos. It's almost... Mengskian. But hey if you can't beat 'em join 'em right? A potential 11% gain? Now that's a strategy I can sink my claws into.

Dark Horse Candidates?

And of course some also rans. Quest Diagnostics and Wheaton Precious Metals. Not sure what to make of these. Something is telling me they are for diversification. As a Queen of Blades all things have to be used as leverage!

Pro Live at the NYSE: Am I Invited?

Oh and CNBC is having a 'Pro LIVE' event at the New York Stock Exchange. Networking cocktails and financial experts? Sounds like a Zerg social gathering but with less spine bursting and more awkward small talk. Are they gonna invite the Queen of Blades or what? I'd love to share my insights on interplanetary resource management... and maybe demonstrate my psychic abilities. Tickets are limited? Well then they are up for elimination.