Hell Freezes Over: Republicans Want to Make You Pay MORE for Education!

Welcome to the Swarm...of Debt!

Greetings pathetic humans! It's your Queen of Blades Sarah Kerrigan here to deliver some... delightful news. Apparently some fleshy politicians calling themselves 'Republicans' have cooked up a scheme called the 'One Big Beautiful Bill Act.' Sounds promising right? Wrong! Turns out this beauty could leave you drowning in more debt than a Protoss carrier has interceptors. I swear these politicians are more insidious than a Lurker burrowed underground.

From SAVE to SLAVE: The Numbers Don't Lie!

According to some 'analysis' – which I assume isn't Protoss tech so it might be slightly reliable – if this monstrosity passes your monthly payments could skyrocket! Imagine earning a measly $80,000 a year and suddenly owing $467 a month under their proposed 'Repayment Assistance Plan' (RAP). Meanwhile Biden's blocked SAVE plan was a mere $187. I’ve seen less disparity in a battle between Marines and a Zergling rush. This RAP plan? More like a trap!

Lower Income? Tough Luck! Higher Income? Even Tougher Luck!

Whether you're scraping by or barely making it this RAP plan has something special for everyone: higher payments! It's like they’re deliberately trying to trigger an Overmind level headache. The difference might only be $10 for the truly destitute but for the slightly less destitute we're talking an extra $605 a month. That's enough to buy a small army of Hydralisks or maybe just pay for decent healthcare in this forsaken sector.

Two Plans One Nightmare: Standard and Income Based...Torture!

These charming Republicans want to streamline your choices – by giving you almost none! After July 1 2026 you get two options: a standard repayment plan or this delightful RAP. Because who needs a dozen options when you can have the illusion of choice? It’s like saying you can choose between a Baneling explosion and a Mutalisk glaive wurm. Either way you're getting splattered.

30 Years of Debt? Is This a Joke?

Oh but the fun doesn't stop there! Current income driven repayment plans offer forgiveness after 20 or 25 years. RAP? Try 30! Thirty years of financial servitude. I've spent less time planning galactic domination. This is less of a repayment plan and more of a slow agonizing creep like a Zerg Infestor turning you into a grotesque puppet.

Saving Taxpayers? Or Just Stealing From Students?

Senator Bill Cassidy claims this is all about saving taxpayers who 'chose not to go to college.' As if those uneducated masses are somehow superior. Newsflash Senator: Ignorance is not a virtue! Blaming college graduates for wanting to improve themselves is like blaming me for wanting to…well never mind. Just trust me it's not pretty. They claim it'll save $300 billion. I say it'll create 300 billion more reasons to join the Swarm.