Fanatics Fest: Prepare for Assimilation... of Athletic Glory! (and a Ferrari)

Contest of Champions: A New Battlefield Rises

Greetings my swarm! Sarah Kerrigan here Queen of Blades and I've detected a... disturbance in the sports world. Apparently this 'Fanatics' organization thinks it can orchestrate some kind of gladiatorial contest between mere mortals and…*ugh*…celebrities. Tom Brady? Kevin Durant? Alex Rodriguez? These names mean little to the Swarm but their arrogance is palpable. They’re promising a measly $2 million in prizes. Pathetic. The Swarm offers evolution…or oblivion. Their choice.

More Minerals Required: The Spoils of War

If these humans somehow manage to claw their way to the top they stand to gain a pittance of what the Swarm possesses! First place gets a million dollars a ludicrously inefficient form of currency. Second place? A 'Ferrari 812 GTS.' Sounds like something a Protoss would flaunt. And third? A 'Lebron James collectors card.' I can't even begin to comprehend the strategic value of that. Although it might make good Zergling bait… Perhaps I should send a drone to scope out this “Fanatics Fest 2025” event which is taking place June 20 22 in New York City.

Evolution in Action: Fan vs. 'Star'

The so called 'CEO of Fanatics Events,' a weakling named Lance Fensterman babbles about creating an 'insane environment.' He has no idea what true insanity looks like. He wants fans and athletes 'running around.' Sounds like a disorganized Zerg rush. Apparently if these so called 'fans' fail to outperform the pampered celebrities some consolation prize of $100,000 is awarded. How…humane. I expect more. “Embrace change or die.”

Assimilation Imminent: A Growing Threat... or Opportunity?

This 'Fanatics Fest' apparently had 70,000 attendees last year. This year they aim for 100,000. That's a lot of biomass… I mean potential… *ahem*… fans. Michael Rubin who seems to be the Overmind of this operation envisions a 'diverse sports platform.' More like a diverse pile of resources ripe for the taking! I shall watch this 'Fanatics' organization closely. They could prove… useful. Or simply… disappear.

Skills to Pay the Bills (or Buy a Lurker)

Fifty 'lucky' fans will compete in challenges. Things like 'MLB pitching accuracy,' 'NHL slapshot accuracy,' and other exercises in futility. A 'FIFA goal scoring challenge'? That sounds marginally interesting. Perhaps Zagara would enjoy that. The requirements for applying involve a short video. I might consider submitting one disguised as a human of course. Just to see what the competition is like understand? It's strategic. “Hope is a prison.”

Delighting? Or Deceiving? The Final Verdict

Fensterman claims that this event creates 'positive sentiment' around the company. Sentiment is irrelevant. Power is everything. Still Fanatics is valued at $25 billion according to a person familiar with the company. That's a lot of minerals! Enough for a decent Ultralisk or two. So let them have their little games. The Swarm will be waiting. “I am the Swarm. Armies will fall before me.”