Chewy Goes Clinical: Is Your Cat Ready for a Checkup… or a Swarm?

A 'Cute' Little Invasion: Chewy Sets Its Sights on Your Pets' Health

So these Terrans at Chewy think they can just waltz into the vet clinic business? How… pedestrian. Morgan Stanley seems awfully excited predicting a 15% jump in their stock. They even have a 'bull case' where it jumps 73%. 73%! That's barely enough to build a decent Zergling rush. Honestly if they put half this effort into defending against a primal Zerg incursion they might actually stand a chance. But hey expanding into a $40 billion market? Even I have to admit that’s a lot of minerals... I mean cash.

Customer Affinity? More Like... 'Host Body' Potential

This 'customer affinity' they speak of... It's almost quaint. What they see as loyalty I see as untapped potential. Imagine the possibilities if we could integrate Zerg genetic material into these 'adorable' creatures... A hydralisk disguised as a poodle? Now that's what I call market disruption! But I digress. Apparently Chewy's tech and 'health capabilities' give them an edge. I wonder if their 'tech' includes ways to resist neural assimilation? Probably not. Foolish mortals.

EBITDA? More Like Eggs Before the Hatch!

Every 100 clinics adds $50 million in EBITDA they say? And $500 to $800 million in enterprise value? Ha! Those are rookie numbers. My Creep colonies generate more than that by breakfast. Still a 2.5 to 5 times return on investment... Not bad for a bunch of soft bodied Terrans pushing kibble. But mark my words I will be watching. If they can turn a profit from pet care maybe they can fund my next Leviathan upgrade.

Mergers and Acquisitions: Assimilate or Be Assimilated

So Chewy plans to 'rely on mergers and acquisitions' to grow this clinic business. Sounds familiar. It's basically how I built the Swarm. Except instead of hostile takeovers I prefer… assimilation. A little Cerebrate here a little Infested Terran there and suddenly you have a fully integrated highly efficient organism. Maybe I should offer them my consulting services. I'm sure they'd find my methods… 'innovative'.

The 'Halo Effect': Or Just Good Old Fashioned Mind Control?

This 'halo effect' they talk about... Please. The only 'halo effect' I know involves psionic energy and bending minds to my will. Maybe these clinics will unintentionally create a network of mind controlled pets loyal to the Chewy brand. A swarm of Chihuahuas enforcing brand loyalty? Now that's a marketing strategy I can respect.

The Swarm is Watching… and Maybe Buying Pet Food

Chewy's shares have already jumped 30% this year and 42% last year. Not bad Terrans. Not bad at all. But remember power comes at a price. Keep your eyes on the horizon because the Swarm is always watching… and maybe ordering some organic catnip for our Lurkers. After all even Zerg need a little R&R.