OpenAI Employees Can't Donate Equity and I Couldn't Help But Wonder... Is Generosity a Glitch in the Algorithm?

Silicon Valley Karma: Is it Offline?

Darling in the city that never sleeps even generosity can get stuck in traffic. It seems OpenAI the AI darling valued higher than my shoe collection has a little problem. Their employees swimming in 'paper millions' (sounds like a fabulous party theme doesn't it?) want to donate equity to charity. But alas it's like trying to hail a cab in the rain – nearly impossible.

Profit Participation Units (PPUs): More Like Profit Prevention Units?

Instead of regular equity these tech wizards get something called 'profit participation units' – PPUs. Sounds like a new designer drug but turns out you can't just give them away like last season's Manolos. The company has to approve. And as one insider whispered (anonymously of course because in this town even AI fears retaliation) OpenAI is dragging its Jimmy Choos on the issue. I couldn't help but wonder is this good governance or just a case of keeping a tight grip on the shareholder purse strings?

DAFs: The Designer Bags of Charitable Giving

Enter the Donor Advised Fund or DAF. It's like the Birkin bag of charitable giving – chic exclusive and potentially saving you a fortune in taxes. By donating equity instead of cold hard cash these philanthropic coders could see their chosen charities get up to 40% *more* dough. Imagine the shoes you could buy with that! But OpenAI is playing hard to get.

From Nonprofit to Profit: A Girl's Gotta Eat (And So Does AI)

Here's where it gets interesting. OpenAI started as a *nonprofit*. Yes darling a unicorn with a heart of gold. But then came ChatGPT and suddenly everyone wanted a piece of the AI pie. Now it's a for profit venture with a nonprofit parent. I couldn't help but wonder did OpenAI sell out? Or is it simply evolving like a well chosen botox treatment?

Slack and Slow: The Bureaucracy of Beneficence

The issue has been raised in Slack threads all hands meetings and probably even therapy sessions. Yet OpenAI remains as immovable as Miranda trying to parallel park. Last year there was talk of a charitable donation opportunity 'soon after' an employee tender offer. But 'soon' in tech speak is like 'I'll call you' after a first date. It rarely happens.

The Billion Dollar Question: What's a Techie to Give?

So here we are. OpenAI employees richer than Charlotte's Park Avenue address but unable to easily give back. Is it about control? Is it about AI safety? Or is it simply a case of corporate growing pains? As Christina Kramlich a wealth management guru put it: "I'm mystified why a startup would disallow employees from contributing." Me too darling. Me too. Sometimes the most complex algorithms can't solve the simplest equation: generosity equals happiness. And isn't that what we all want in the end? Well that and a really good pair of shoes.