Is Starbucks Broke? Or Just Having a Bad Hair Day?

Latte Problems: The Numbers Don't Lie

Okay so I'm sitting here Manolos tapping latte in hand (because well research!) and the news is not exactly brewing with excitement for Starbucks. Earnings are down sales are slumping and it's like is this the end of our perfectly curated coffee shop lifestyle? They were expecting 49 cents a share darling and only delivered 41? That’s like showing up to a party in last season's Prada – unacceptable!

Back to Starbucks...Or Back to Basics?

Brian Niccol the new man in charge is talking about a 'Back to Starbucks' plan. It's all very reminiscent of Big trying to build me a closet – ambitious but will it actually work? He says they're testing and learning which let's be honest sounds a lot like me trying to bake a cake. The intent is there but the execution? TBD.

The Great Coffee Conspiracy: Cheaper Thrills?

Apparently we the loyal latte lovers are jumping ship for cheaper options. Is this about saving a few bucks or is it a statement about what we value? Are we really ready to ditch our grande sized habit for something less…fabulous? As I once famously pondered 'Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate.' Perhaps Starbucks' mistake was taking us for granted.

China Crisis: Flatlining in the Far East

Even in China where everything is supposed to be booming Starbucks is flat. Flat! Like my hair after a humid summer day in the Hamptons. Transaction growth offset by lower average tickets? Honey that's just not chic. It's like buying a Birkin bag on sale – it just doesn't have the same ring to it.

The U.S. of (Coffee) Apathy?

The U.S. is even worse with transactions down a whopping 4%. Four percent! That's like losing your favorite pair of shoes right before a big date. We're talking a serious slump ladies. Is this the beginning of the end for our coffee fueled mornings or can Starbucks pull a miracle out of its perfectly brewed hat?

Forecasting Failure: Cloudy with a Chance of Coffee?

They even suspended their fiscal 2025 forecast. Suspended! It's like breaking up with a guy and then realizing you have nothing to wear to your friend's wedding. As I always say "I like my money right where I can see it: hanging in my closet." And right now Starbucks' money well it seems to be hiding somewhere…maybe in the back of Mr. Big’s closet.