Holy Bets! From Chicago to the Vatican, Did Someone Predict the Next Pope?

The Immaculate Conception...of a Bet?

Darling in New York we bet on everything: relationships that’ll last longer than a designer handbag brunch spots with the shortest lines and whether or not Aidan will ever stop wearing those commitment phobic shirts. But betting on the Pope? Even for a Catholic girl like me that's a new level of divine intervention or maybe just divine foolishness. Apparently over $40 million was wagered on who'd be the next Pontiff. Forty million! That's enough for like a lifetime supply of Manolos and Cosmos. And speaking of Cosmos I needed one stat! Because... plot twist: the winner was a total dark horse. I mean who saw this coming? It's like finding out Mr. Big was secretly a poet.

From Zero to Shepherd: The Prevost Prophecy

The new Pope Leo XIV was previously Cardinal Robert Prevost. Apparently the odds of him getting the gig were less than 1%! Less than 1%! That's worse than my chances of ever understanding the male obsession with sports. Only a handful of people actually bet on him. One lucky soul turned a measly $526 into over $52,000! Can you imagine? That's enough to buy a closet full of vintage Dior... or maybe just pay off some credit card debt from last season's regrettable shoe choices. It begs the question did this lucky bettor have some sort of hotline to heaven? Or were they just incredibly good at playing the odds?

Is This Vegas or the Vatican?

This whole thing reminds me of that time Samantha tried to teach me how to play poker. She said 'Darling it's all about bluffing!' But I’m terrible at it because like my feelings everything is written all over my face. These prediction markets operate like futures which sounds very 'Wall Street' to me. Apparently people were worried about manipulation. But honestly what isn't manipulated these days? My hair? My dating profile? My apartment rent? It's all one big game of smoke and mirrors. As for this papal prediction palooza one spokesperson compared the conclave to a 'big sporting event.' I guess faith is the new football?

Grand Theft Auto and Divine Guidance

Now apparently you can bet on EVERYTHING from the release date of 'Grand Theft Auto VI' (which let's be honest is more anticipated than my next column) to what the White House Press Secretary will say. Where do I sign up? I could probably make a killing predicting what ridiculous thing Anthony is going to say next! Although US users are barred from some platforms due to regulations. Typical. Always ruining the fun. Maybe I need to move to Europe... for tax reasons of course.

A Slippery Slope to Sainthood...Or Bankruptcy?

Financial experts warn against betting more than you can afford to lose. Groundbreaking. It's like telling me not to buy another pair of shoes I don't need. Impossible! This financial guy Jonathan Greeson says to include betting in your entertainment budget. 'Like with investing we should never bet more than we are willing to lose.' Spoken like someone who has never experienced the thrill of finding a vintage Chanel bag for half price! Still sound advice even if it is boring. Just like Charlotte's taste in men but that's a story for another column.

Could I Bet My Way to A New Pair of Manolos?

So what does this all mean? Is betting on the next Pope a sign of the times? A commentary on our increasingly secular society? Or just a really good way to make a quick buck? Maybe just maybe it’s all of the above. As I always say 'Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate.' And who knows maybe my fate involves a new career as a papal prediction market guru... because darling stranger things have happened. Now if you excuse me I have a date with a Cosmos and a betting app. After all I have some Manolos to win!