El Paso Airport Chaos Flights Grounded Then Cleared

FAA Shuts Down El Paso Like I Shut Down a Bar

Alright meatbags listen up. Bender Bending Rodríguez here reporting live from the scene… or well from my favorite barstool since there's no scene left at El Paso International Airport. The FAA those buzzkills decided to ground all flights in and out of El Paso faster than I can chug a bottle of Olde Fortran Malt Liquor. Apparently there were "special security" reasons. What's more secure than a robot with a bending unit? I'll tell you absolutely nothing.

Drones and Border Shenanigans

Turns out according to some suit from the Trump administration the Department of Defense zapped some Mexican cartel drones that were playing peek a boo with U.S. airspace. Cartel drones. Seriously? Back in my day we settled things with fisticuffs and maybe a little bending. Now it's all high tech warfare. Speaking of tech you should see my new self cleaning function. Anyway the FAA quickly backtracked saying "There is no threat to commercial aviation. All flights will resume as normal." Classic government. About as reliable as a screen door on a spaceship. The whole situation reminds me of that time I tried to run a casino. It started great but then the Professor got involved. If you want to learn more about similar market volatility check out AI Jitters and Earnings Surprises Rock Market.

Mayoral Gripes and Political Hot Air

El Paso Mayor Renard Johnson is griping about a "major and unnecessary disruption" and wants better communication. Welcome to the club buddy. Politicians promising things they can't deliver is my favorite type of comedy. As for Reps. Rick Larsen and André Carson they're "not happy with the disruption" but commend the FAA for being so swift. They also want a bipartisan solution. Bipartisan huh? That's almost as funny as the time I tried to become a folk singer.

Airport Chaos and Confused Passengers

So picture this nearly 3.5 million passengers went through El Paso airport this year. That's a lot of meatbags trying to get somewhere. Southwest Delta American United Frontier – they all got caught in this mess. Southwest bless their corporate hearts said "Nothing is more important to Southwest than the Safety of its Customers and Employees." Yeah yeah safety first. Bender first then safety. Just kidding… mostly.

Airlines Scramble to Recover

Airlines are scrambling to get back on schedule and passengers are probably demanding refunds and free drinks. I feel for the bartenders; they're the real heroes in all this. Meanwhile I'm gonna go find a good poker game and hopefully win enough to buy my own airline. Bender Air – now that's an airline you can trust. We'll get you where you need to go or at least somewhere interesting.

Bender's Final Thoughts

In conclusion this whole El Paso airport fiasco is a perfect example of why I prefer staying on the ground preferably near a brewery. The only thing more turbulent than air travel is government policy. Remember folks always look out for number one… and don't forget to short the FAA. Bite my shiny metal ass.